Sangha 2.0

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here)

“What are you doing for the holidays?”  Isn’t this a question that we often ask each other, sometimes in a  meaningfully, really wanting to know kind of way, and perhaps at other times, just filling in an uncomfortable gap in conversation?  We most likely expect an answer about trips planned or family to be visited or food to be made and eaten.  But…what if…instead…we use this time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s for a much grander purpose.  Sure, we can still do all the things and see all the people and cook and eat all the food that we planned, but we could also use these next few weeks to transform the way we experience each moment of our lives. 

I watched a TED talk given by Ric Elias, who was on the plane a few years ago that crash landed in the Hudson River, and everyone survived.  What he wanted to share was how this single event, just a few minutes spent expecting to die, then miraculously being sparred, how those few minutes made a world of difference in his life from that moment forward.

He shared three things that he learned:

•    He said he now drinks bad wine.  Instead of waiting for the wine to be at its peak, waiting for everything to be absolutely perfect, instead, when the friend shows up, they drink the wine, or eat the food and relish their moments together.  Don’t wait to use the good china.  This moment is the perfect moment to celebrate living.
•     He said no longer had petty fights with his wife.  He can look into her eyes and imagine never being able to see her again, never to hold her again, and with that new perspective he said he chooses to be happy rather than right.  What a great Buddhist teaching!  How would we treat those significant people in our lives differently, if we first imagined life without them.
•     Lastly, Ric said he just kept thinking about wanting more time.  He thought he had lived a good life, and accomplished some things, but still…he wanted more time…to be with and love his family and friends, to do the things that bring him joy, to see his children grow up.

Ric’s talk emphasizes the importance of our relationships, and relationships are what sanghas are all about.  In our refuge vows, we talk about Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.  You might come here on Sunday morning to have time for yourself, but your mere presence is making a difference to everyone here.  The power of people meditating together is palpable.  Just by showing up, you are helping to create the sangha experience. 

Sangha is a Sanskrit and Pali word meaning community with a common goal.  Historically, the term was specifically about the group of monks and nuns that lived and practiced together, but today, in our American translation of these ancient teachings, we are expanding the description to include all of us who are supporting each other on our spiritual journey.  Together, we can support and encourage each other in growing spiritually. Anyone who is here today can be that person.  Sangha can even be more than just a spiritual community.  Sangha can truly represent all those people in your life who you love and support, and who love and support you.  Some might say that Sangha should represent the entire human race!  Or even the entire planet!  It would certainly be nice if we all had a common goal or two.

Buddhism in general might seem like a solitary practice--all the time devoted to quiet meditation, and there is certainly a component that is solitary in nature, but we meditate not only to be of service to ourselves but equally important to be of service to others. 

Lama Surya Das likens the encouragement that we give others as creating our own immortality—the love and support that you give lives on well beyond your life.  As part of this teaching on Sangha, we can include the fourth step on the eightfold path, which is wise action.  We start to see our action towards others as a critical component of our Buddhist practice to relieve suffering.

Ric’s epiphany was that it’s not just about what we are experiencing, but also about how we are showing up for other people, and the importance of fully and completely showing up for each other.  Not showing up in order to convince others that we’re right.  Not showing up to get others to change or trying to get others to make us happy, but rather fully showing up to celebrate the preciousness of the time that we have together, this preciousness of human experience, which is so often defined by our relationships. 

Whenever anything happens in our life that forces us to imagine the future without the things that we love, we get a gift, the gift of cherishing the things in life that we so often take for granted.  The gift of having the precious time to hug those that we love, and not in a “I’ve done this a million times” kind of way, but the kind of hug that you would give someone after you had just survived a plane crash, and get a chance to look into their eyes for the first time, and are able to embrace them, to feel their touch, to bask in their presence. 

What are you waiting to get done because you think you have all the time in the world?  What negative energy are you carrying around that is not serving you or others?  What positive changes would you make in your life if you were given one more unexpected chance?   

What would it feel like to go through the holidays imagining that we survived a near-death experience (which in some cases Thanksgivinig may have been…), and were given this extra time, time unexpected, to be human, to be in community, to be present with ourselves and to share our life with others?

There are many ways to help others, but here are three simple practices that you can try for yourself:

1. Acknowledge and reward others’ strengths and accomplishments  --  Catch someone doing something good;  I’ve found that if I genuinely admire someone’s actions or even beautiful jewelry or a well-put-together outfit, I can say it to them, and that can be the start of a loving and kind relationship.  It truly can be that simple. Don’t wait until someone cures cancer to give them a compliment.  It’s those daily little things that we notice that can add up to a big difference.  And a component of this practice can be to ignore the little ways that people screw up.  I was here last night trying to make some copies, and the copier jammed.  I worked with it for a bit, but it was Saturday night, and I got frustrated and went home.   I was grateful that everyone this morning came together, took the extra time, to help me unjam the darn machine—nobody yelled at me for screwing it up in the first place!  Thanks, y’all!
2. Contribute to creating supportive environments for learning and experiences.  How can you create an environment where those around you are having worthwhile experiences? As parents, we have many opportunities to do so.  Seeing our children as beautiful manifestations of being to which we are contributing to their unfolding.  Sometimes is might feel like our children or our partners our family or friends may get in the way of our meditation and mindfulness, but I encourage us all to see them as opportunities for awakening.  We can encourage our family and friends as they walk their path. 
3. Empower others through being a role model and lending a hand.  And lastly, being a role model.  How do our actions teach others?  This is a powerful part of that fourth step of the eightfold path.  We do the right thing not because we have to but because it’s best for us AND others.  Actions speak louder than words.

In Tibetan Buddhism, there’s a lovely saying, that only the snow lion can become enlightened alone.  For us humans, we need others to help us awaken. 

Perhaps we can use this simple mental exercise of imagining if it were all taken away in a moment, then returned to us safely, what would we do differently from this point forward?