Living Beautifully – 2 – Making a commitment to ourselves

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here)

Like this blog?  Consider donating online (click here) to contribute to the sustainability of the Temple Buddhist Center and American Buddhism. Together we can truly change the world, starting with ourselves and the world around us!

Today we continue our book series, based on Pema Chodron’s recently published book, entitled, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.  It’s one of her most pithy books!

Last week, we talked about shenpa, a Tibetan word for that uncomfortable sensation we get when we’ve been triggered by some thought, emotion or external circumstance, and how we can learn to recognize the sensation as a signal to which we are most likely about to respond with an old, perhaps unskillful, behavior.  We have all discovered coping mechanisms that enable us to escape that uncomfortable feeling.  We might do something as simple as distract ourselves with TV or the internet, or we might eat or drink to excess, or we might lash out in anger to quell that gnawing feeling.  In addition to the response, we might also make up some story about who is to blame (either ourselves or someone or something else) and replay the story over and over to reinforce the rationalization of our response. 

Recall some situation when you might have felt that uncomfortable sensation, and how you might have found relief by responding in an unskillful way.   We can recall and analyze our past unskillfulness in order to be prepared for future situations when shenpa might again arise, and use it as a signal that something more is going on in the situation beyond what might superficially seem to be.

This week, in Chapter Three, “Laying the Foundation”, Pema talks about how we can make a commitment, in advance of experiencing the shenpa, to rally our motivation, to have a sense of curiosity about alternative ways of responding, and also, about what to do when we still miss the shenpa boat, and continue thinking, saying and acting in those old unskillful ways. We might think of making a commitment as some burdensome task, but we are encouraged to think of this commitment as the path to liberation, the path to sanity!  The path to liberation and sanity begins with committing to refrain from further hurting ourselves or others in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

This first commitment that Pema recommends is to NOT CAUSE HARM TO OURSELVES OR OTHERS.  It’s called the Pratimoksha vow and includes the Five Precepts, (she included some thoughts from Thich Nhat Hanh, another great Buddhist teacher):

1. To not kill:  Aware of the suffering brought about by the destruction of life, I vow to avoid killing.  I will do my best to cultivate non-aggression and compassion for all beings.
2. To not take that which is not freely given:  Aware of the suffering caused by stealing or taking anything from others that which is not freely given, I will do my best to respect the property of others.
3. To avoid harmful sexual behavior:  Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful or aggressive sexual energy, I vow to be faithful to my current partner and not harm others with my sexual energy.  I will do my best to be aware of what harms myself and others and to nurture an honest love and respect, free from attachment.  I aspire to serve and protect all beings.
4. To speak mindfully:  Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech, I vow to cultivate wise speech.  Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I will do my best to not lie, to not gossip or slander, to not use harsh words, and to not say things that bring about division or hatred.  I aspire to always speak words that create the greatest good.  From Adrienne Howley:  Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?  And I add: Is it timely?
5. To protect the body and mind:  Aware of the suffering caused by excessive alcohol, drugs and other intoxicants, I vow to live my life in ways that increase my inner strength and health as well as my openness to all beings. I vow to avoid thoughts, words or actions that might lead to heedlessness.

There is an important distinction that is made with being aware of shenpa and being motivated to recognize it and choose another response.  THIS IS NOT ABOUT REPRESSING OUR NATURAL FEELINGS.  When we talk about bringing awareness to our unskillful responses, and to refrain from them, some people might infer that means we are trying to repress our unskillful thoughts, words or actions.  To be clear, putting a gap between stimulus and response is NOT about repressing the sensation of shenpa—in fact it is the sensation that gives us a clue that something needs to be paid attention to.  Trying to repress the sensation can be just as harmful as acting out from it.  We are working on finding that place of balance, the middle way, where we recognize when it arises, then choose to pause, and develop a curiosity about all possible alternative responses. 

This is a muscle that we can strengthen.  Each time we respond in the same unskillful, harmful way, we are strengthening our desire to respond unskillfully.  Each time we are able to create a pause between the sensation and the response, we strengthen our muscle of awareness, wisdom and compassion.  There’s that old escape route from the painful feeling we have often taken, but we practice NOT going there, not responding in that way, and exploring the other possible ways of responding.  Pema describes it as simply interrupting the momentum of the habit and the storyline.

Lastly, we are likely not going to be perfect at catching our shenpa and our unskillful responses, so in the Buddhist practice, there is a ritual called Sojong.  In practicing sojong, we can have an opportunity to reflect on when we thought, spoke or acted unskillfully, we forgive ourselves and begin anew, with a newfound sense of purpose.  Traditionally, sojong takes place twice a month, and one is encouraged to review the last few weeks and ask these questions:

“What have I done with my body, my speech and my mind that might have harmed myself or others?”  This not about self-criticism, but can be explored as if your most loving supporter is helping you see where you might have responded in old unskillful habits.  We honestly acknowledge where we messed up, we recommit to our vows of doing no harm, and we begin again.  This is a precious opportunity to learn from our past unskillful behavior, to let go and to start fresh.

Today, we’ll practice the guided meditation of Forgiveness.

Basics of Buddhism 5

(For podcast, click here)  (For the ITunes version, click here)

Many people have asked, “What does it mean to be a Buddhist?”  To explore that question, I decided to tack on one more discussion as part of the Basics of Buddhism.  When I think about this topic, it reminds me of a workshop I attended several years ago.  It was some kind of personal growth session, and there were many different types of people that participated.  At one point in the workshop, we split up into smaller groups of six – seven people and each person introduced themself.  One of the women in my group said she was an actress.  She was so beautiful and had that dramatic flare.  She went on to say that she was Buddhist, and of course, I thought, “Yippee! A kindred spirit! Someone like me!”  At the next break, I went up to speak with her.  I told her I was Buddhist as well and asked her what Buddhist book was her favorite.  Who was her favorite teacher?  She became annoyed and abruptly replied, “Oh, I haven’t read anything about it, I just FEEL Buddhist…”  I’m pretty sure that is NOT what being Buddhist is all about.

Today, I want to explore what “being Buddhist” means.  Many of you have been coming to the Sunday morning meditations for many years, and you may have no intention of ever calling yourself Buddhist, and that is totally okay.  You can get a lot from these teachings by practicing mindfulness and meditation without going any further or making commitment to these specific teachings.  But some of you might come to a point where you feel like this truly is your spiritual path, and you may want to make a greater commitment.  In the Buddhist tradition, the first step of a becoming a Buddhist is the process of taking the Refuge Vows and agreeing to abide by the Five Precepts--that is what we will talk about today.

In Buddha, Dharma and Sangha

We go for refuge until fully awakened.

Through the power of Generosity, Ethics, Patience, Enthusiastic Effort, Concentration, and Wisdom,

For the sake of all beings, may we realize and demonstrate our innate goodness.

The Refuge Vows are exactly the same as the Refuge Prayer that we say at the beginning of each meditation.  When you say this prayer as a vow, you are committing to these teachings as your primary spiritual path, by taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.  It’s NOT about converting to Buddhism—many people of other faiths still consider themselves Christian or Jewish or whatever spiritual path they are also on—but it is about making a greater commitment to follow these teachings.

We begin by taking refuge in the Buddha.  We have a statue on the altar every Sunday, and many people wonder if we are worshipping the Buddha.  NO!  Buddha did not want to be worshipped.  He taught again and again that he was an ordinary person, and that what he had done, every other person can do as well.  We look at statues of the Buddha and see a role model, as inspiration for our own enlightenment.  We, as ordinary people, can practice these teachings and we, too, can awaken.  We take refuge in Buddha because he reminds us that awakening is possible.  We do not have to wait 10,000 years to get to the point of awakening.  It is possible to wake up in this lifetime, and experience the joy and peace that the Buddha experienced.  We look at statues of the Buddha with a sense of encouragement that we, too, can live an awakened life. 

Also, it is often described as taking refuge in our own innate Buddhist Nature, our Christ Consciousness.  The Buddha taught that we are innately good, innately wise, and that we can rely upon this innate nature to make more skillful choices in life.  Even if we sometimes forget about our goodness or cover up our innate wisdom with old unskillful habits, it is still there within us, just waiting to be tapped into. 

We can also take refuge in the Dharma, which represents all the enlightened teachings of those that came before us and were so kind to show us the way.  One of the distinctions between Buddhism and Christianity is the perspective on enlightened teachings.  In Christianity, we have the Bible, identified as the word of God.  In Buddhism, many have become enlightened through these teachings, and they then write words encouraging others and pointing to the way.   We can take refuge in all these teachings, and explore them for the help and support that they can provide for our own enlightenment. 

We can also take refuge in the Sangha, a group of like-minded individuals who are supporting each other on the spiritual path.  You might have thought that you got up this morning and came here to the meditation because of a personal need--the crazy week you had or feeling stressed out.  However, the fact that you showed up this morning has already blessed each and every person here.  Imagine what it would be like, in this very moment, to be sitting here all alone.  What a more joyful and impactful experience it is to be here with everyone being part of this shared process!  Taking refuge in the Sangha is a two-way street.  You are committing to support and encourage others who are trying to walk this path, and you are committing to allow others to support and encourage you as well.  It is a process that has been found to work well for 2600 years.

The other commitment is the Five Precepts.  There are actually two different sets of Precepts.  If you were going to join a monastery, you would take the Refuge Vows, have your head shaved, and agree to abide by the following precepts:

For monks/nuns:

·                     Not killing

·                     Not stealing

·                     Not lying

·                     No sexual interactions

·                     Not using intoxicants

Most of us, however, are more likely to continue to be householders.  We will still pay the bills, be with our family and show up for work.  Therefore, there is a little bit different process for householder versus monks/nuns.   For householders, you are still encouraged to snip off a bit of your hair, but it doesn’t have too much!  Rituals can have value if they inspire you towards more skillful thoughts and actions.

For householders:

·                     Not killing

·                     Not stealing

·                     Not lying

·                     Not engaging in sexual misconduct

·                     Not using intoxicants unskillfully

These Precepts are not commandments, but rather guidelines.  We are encouraged to rely on these actions, but still use our inner wisdom to search for the most skillful response.  The first guideline is “do not kill”.  You might wear leather shoes or might eat meat, some Buddhist traditions do. We practice honoring life as best we can in the real world because that usually relieves the most suffering.  

The next Precept is "do not steal", and it’s clarified more completely as “do not take what is not freely given to you.”  As well as to give to others that which you can share.

The third Precept, “do not lie”, is another good example of how these are guidelines, not commandments.  The extreme situation usually given is to imagine that you lived in Nazi Germany and were hiding a Jewish family in your attic.  If soldiers came to your door and inquired, lying would likely relieve more suffering than telling the truth.  Once again, these guidelines can lead us in the right direction, but they do not take away our responsibility to be fully present in each moment to assess the most skillful response.

The fourth Precept is different for monks/nuns and householders.  Monks and nuns are encouraged not to have any sexual activities, but there’s good news for us householders!  We are asked to not engage in sexual misconduct.  Most of us can think of situations when sex is used in ways that are harmful to ourselves and to others, and we can instead make choices that do no harm.   These decisions are part of the path as well.

Lastly, for monks and nuns, they are encouraged to not use any intoxicants.  We householders get a break on this Precept as well.  We are asked to not use intoxicants unskillfully or in ways that lead to “heedlessness”.   Intoxicants can cloud our judgment.  It is a personal decision for you whether you have a glass of wine with your meal.  Are you doing so in a way that is not causing harm to yourself or others? 

That’s it.  The first official step on the Buddhist path is committing to taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha, and committing to following these Five Precepts.  Another question you might have is, “if I make this commitment, is it for the rest of my life?”  That is a question only you can answer.  I can tell you for myself, I first took the Refuge Vows when I was 21 years old on retreat in Bodh Gaya, India.  Everyone else was doing it.  It seemed kind of fun.  It did seem kind of cool to be Buddhist.  But, I didn’t take them to heart.  I came back to America and lived my life, and for a decade, they didn’t do anything for me, because I didn’t do anything for them.  In the nineties, I began to rekindle my Buddhist reading and practice.  I found this book by Lama Surya Das entitled, Awakening the Buddha Within.  When I came to the passage that talked about the Refuge Vows, I was sitting at home all alone.  I remember feeling so amazed at how transformational these vows then appeared.  In my home, all by myself, simply reading these words that I had heard before, these words now meant something deep and powerful to me.  After reflecting on this passage, I went over to my sewing kit and pulled out some light blue thread, took a small section of the end of my hair, and tied it with the thread.  I said the Refuge Vows out loud three times, and committed to following the Five Precepts, and I took some scissors and cut off this small piece of my hair.  I still have it placed there between Pages 56 and 57.  It was in that moment when I decided to commit myself to this path.  It was right time for me to make this commitment.  For me, that moment was the moment I realized that this was going to be my spiritual path. 

So, it doesn’t have to be a special ceremony or special setting.  It doesn’t even have to be with other people.  If you decide that you at that point in your life where you want to commit more deeply to this spiritual path, you can simply take the Refuge Vows and Five Precepts for yourself.  Several people have shared that they would like to participate in a special ceremony, so you’ll have an opportunity to do so this Tuesday evening at 8 pm.  There are handouts that go into more detail about the ceremony itself.   You are NOT taking the Refuge Vows to me or with me;   I’m not a Lama or Rinpoche or anything special.  You would be taking the Refuge Vows with and for yourself.  Only you know if you want to take Refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha and the Five Precepts.   Take time to reflect on whatever decision you think is right for you.  No rush, no hurry, no hassle, no pressure.   But do not take them lightly, for you might as well not take them at all.