I used to begin the Basics of Buddhism with the good
stuff—how it will change your life and make everything wonderful, and that may
be true, but I realized that it was most important to begin with the importance
of intention versus expectation. We can
set our intention to be dedicated to exploring and experimenting with Buddhism
and meditation in the next few weeks, but also I encourage you to be aware of
any expectations you may have.
For those who know
me, you are probably aware that I have tendency toward irrational exuberance. I’m so passionate about sharing how Buddhism
and meditation has transformed my life, and this might lead you to having several
unmet expectations! My Buddhist teacher, Lama Surya Das, said once that I sometimes
seem like a televangelist for Buddhism.
I think he might be right…I was a little too enthusiastic which might
incorrectly imply that this practice is all lollipops and laughter. There’s some of that, but also some
difficulties, some obstacles that arise, and it’s good to know about these potential obstacles so they won’t end up
making you swerve off the path of
practice altogether.
I learned this the
hard way.
I have a dear
friend who has cut my hair for many years, and she was slightly interested in
meditation, and I of course sang its praises.
She talked about coming and learning to meditate for a couple of years
before she finally showed up one Sunday morning. Our main meditation is at 9 am on Sundays, so
I appreciate that’s a little early for many people. I was so excited that she came—now she would
realize how awesome this is! Instead, when I called her to find out how she
liked the experience, she proceeded to tell me, “It was awful! There all these people around coughing and
sneezing, and I could hear other noises from the other rooms, other things
going on in the building. I expected it
to be nice and quiet, and I found it annoying and frustrating. I can never be a
meditator.” She never came back. I was completely deflated,
but also realized that I had set her up for failure. If I had better set her expectations about
what she would experience at first, then she might have been willing to stick
with it a little longer. Yes, there are
some wonderful experiences to be had with this practice, but perhaps it’s best
to know what obstacles might arise so that we can acknowledge them and perhaps
even make friends with them as we go along.
It’s important to be aware of our
expectations…
To
begin, beginning these practices comes with some uncomfortable feelings—anything
new usually creates a sense of being uncomfortable. We are exploring
seeing ourselves and the world in a very different way. The Buddha realized this 2500 years ago, and
identified five potential obstacles (hindrances) to awakening.
•
Craving
•
Aversion
•
Laziness or boredom
•
Restlessness or worry
•
Doubt
Craving:
sensory desire. The particular type of wanting that seeks for happiness through
the five senses of sight, sound, smell, taste and physical feeling.
One common
misperception about Buddhism is that we are not supposed to have any
desires. Desire is not all bad. We may desire to be enlightened. We may desire to help others. We may desire
to be a good person. But how much of our
desire is focused on pleasing our senses?
The Buddhist teachings aren’t
against pleasure, but they help us examine how focusing solely on our
personal pleasure often leads us to numb out or distracts us from the greater
“pleasure” of a happiness that can be found within ourselves, regardless of
whether or not our sensual desires are being fulfilled. We can learn to fully savor the different
sensations of living, such as tasting a delicious bite of cake or watching a
well-made movie, and still be awake and aware in each moment. The Buddha
realized that suffering arises when we are focused solely on trying to relieve our cravings. After the fourth piece of cake, are you still
getting that same zing of pleasure you got from the first bite? Is it really bringing you all that much
pleasure, or is it standing in the way of a deeper happiness that is beyond
succumbing to every whim and whisper of your mind and body? It helps to explore
the distinction between what we crave and what we really desire.
It’s
also helpful to better understand exactly what exactly it is that you desire. When we think we want some new thing in our
life, some new possession, it is possible that what we really want is the feeling that we expect to get from
having it/owning it? What if you could
create that feeling without buying anything?
The Buddhist practices might be a more cost effective solution. Making money and having money isn’t “bad” in
the Buddhist way of thinking. Instead, it is the constant craving for more and
fear of never having enough that causes suffering.
Aversion: thoughts and emotions about pushing away,
including feelings of hostility, anger, resentment, hatred and bitterness.
Aversion is also
not all bad. We should be averse to and
avoid situations, people and habits that harm us or others. However, when we examine all our aversions,
we might find that much of the aversions in life are about trying to create a
completely comfy, cozy world within and around us, so we don’t have to deal
with any unpleasant feeling or situation.
We avoid tough conversations that we know we need to have. We avoid identifying our unskillful actions
and the results that they cause. We can explore what we might be avoiding that
needs to be identified and examined?
These reflections will help prepare us for being more fully present.
Restlessness
or worry: the inability to calm the mind or the tendency
towards being anxious about the future. Often when I sit down to meditate or
throughout the day when I want to practice being fully present in each moment,
I’m so restless that it feels uncomfortable to just be, much less sit still; my
mind is racing. I’m easily distracted by any outer noise or inner dialogue.
Sometimes, I’m physically uncomfortable, or I start to worry about all sorts of
stuff. My mind seems to be addicted to
making “to do” lists (oh, the pleasure of checking things off that have been
accomplished…) Most minds have been trained to be constantly entertained, and
when we take away that entertainment, the mind continues to try and busy
itself. When we realize these
thoughts/emotions/sensation of restlessness and worry, we can then make more
enlightened decision on how to respond
When I was sixteen,
I had been dating a boy for two years, and he cheated on me. I was devastated! I still recall sitting on the black vinyl
couch in our family room, trying to distract myself by watching TV. I had a stabbing pain in the pit of my
stomach as if someone had kicked me there.
It was the actual pain of heartache.
I was craving a feeling of being loved and special. I was trying to avoid that awful feeling of
being hurt. I hated that feeling so much
that I built a wall around my heart so that no one would ever hurt me like that
again. Of course, by trying to avoid
that feeling, I ended up having disastrous relationships. It was only when I was willing to be hurt
again, that I was able to truly love and be loved.
Boredom
or laziness:
Good old sloth and torpor. A heaviness of body and dullness of mind
which can drag one down into disabling inertia and perhaps depression. Sometimes, I sit down to meditate and
immediately feel like I want to take a nap.
I might be actually tired and need more sleep, but often it is really
just boredom. Our minds have been
trained that if we’re not busy doing something, it must be time to sleep. Assess what is the real issue—really tired
or really bored? We can start to
recognize these games that the mind plays and recognition helps us overcome
them.
Doubt: • lack
of conviction or trust. This last
hindrance is often the most challenging.
As noted above, The Buddha taught that we are not supposed to take these
teachings at face value. We are not
supposed to blindly believe them. It’s
helpful to have a healthy dose of skepticism.
But doubt can also be a mental process used to avoid any change, even
good change. When we question things just to keep from changing, then doubt
itself becomes an obstacle, a hindrance to happiness. When you experience
doubt, I can’t tell you whether it’s healthy skepticism or change
avoidance. Only you will know which kind of doubt it is, and only you know if
you’re willing to examine your doubt more closely.
How would you
finish this sentence? If I were deeply honest with myself, I
would….
When you start to
recognize these obstacles arising, you can add some playfulness to the
process. “Oh, here comes restlessness
again. Hello! I recognize you!” Make
friends with these silly games that the mind plays with you. “Here comes aversion. I realize that I’m pushing this thought or
thing or person away.” Then, reflect
upon the obstacle. “What’s up with that?
“ Ask questions about why these obstacles may arise. Try creating a sense of curiosity, and see
what comes up.
I want to offer one
more encouragement—we don’t have to be perfect, we don’t have to get it right
every time. The only requirement is to give it a try, invest some time. Don’t
wait for the perfect time, the perfect book, the perfect moment to begin. This moment is the perfect moment, as is
every new moment. Most likely you will
try and fail, just try again. Begin
again in the next moment.
In order to tease
out these potential hindrances, I encourage you to try this visualization
practice based on equanimity. Equanimity is about seeing all people as worthy
of kindness and compassion. We can
practice looking for the good, in ourselves and in others. We are worthy of love and compassion because
of our humanity, which goes beyond any actions or judgments.
First, we can practice
silently and sincerely say to ourselves, “I am worthy of love, compassion, joy
and happiness.” Then, move on to others around you: “You are worthy of love, compassion, joy and
happiness.” Bring to mind someone with
whom you find it difficult to be with, perhaps a co-worker or a family member. Imagine
that they are in front of you at this very moment. Explore silently and
sincerely saying to them, “You are worthy of love, compassion, joy and
happiness.” Lastly, imagine being able
to say it to every single person on the planet.
“We are all worthy of love, compassion, joy and happiness.”
No comments:
Post a Comment