How do you want to experience life?

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This morning, I’d like to talk about the Buddhist catchphrase of “letting go.”  I’m sure many of you have heard in Buddhism as well as other spiritual practices many times:  We just need to let go of our negative thoughts, let go of our anger, let go of clinging and ignorance.  Just let go and be peaceful.  Ahhhhh, that it was that easy.   Have you ever been really worked up about something and someone offers that advice, “oh, just let it go.”  Anyone ever want to, at that exact moment, strangle the person giving you this advice?   I’m hoping that I’m not the only one who has had those moments where I feel such a strong desire for something, or such anger and frustration over something or someone, that just trying to “let go” seems impossible.  I’m holding on with all my energy. In those exact moments, just telling myself to “let go” simply doesn’t work very well. Initially, I still feel angry, I still feel in pain. And often, there is another voice inside of me that feels like shouting, “heck no!  I’m not letting go!  This is the way I feel, and I’m right to feel this way! Everyone needs to understand ME and that I deserve to feel this way!”  And yet in those exact moments, the ones of the most intense desire to continue reacting in our old ways, those moments are the BEST moments to practice two things.  First, to be more fully present with what is happening so we are gain clarity about what is actually going on.  And Second, to make a clear decision about how we want to experience life.  

The entire practice of Buddhism is about recognizing our thoughts and feelings, and then transforming our experience through love, compassion, joy and equanimity.  And sometimes, the Buddhist teachings are skewed towards just the practice of being fully present.  That is our practice of mindfulness and meditation.  We see things more clearly because we are able to sort out what is really pushing our buttons.  But, this morning, I want to focus on the second practice, the one of using the incredible amount of energy that each of us has within us, and focusing it with laser-like precision on creating the experience we want.  How do you want to experience life?

I know, for me, that this question was not one that I was asked in school or taught in church.  I received a lot of advice about what to do with what shows up in life:  let it go, see it from a higher perspective, turn the other cheek.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  But, I hope I can convey the power of asking yourself this very personal, very important question…how do you want to experience life?  What is it that you want to feel?

Experiences are caused by two catalysts:  How we allow the outside world to impact us and how our internal bio-chemical processes are creating a thought or a feeling within us.  We may feel like what we want is a new car or a new relationship, but what we really want is the feeling that those things will give us, the experience of them…we want to feel happy or loved or safe or whatever that specific experience is that you yourself are searching for. 

And the second catalyst, our internal bio-chemical processes, drive our thoughts and feelings from high to low, often without any external stimulus.  We sometimes assume that we’re really irritated because of what is happening outside of us, when really it’s just the arising and falling away of a hormonal experience—and this ain’t just girls having these hormone things!  Guys, if you have every lusted after someone that you know is NOT a good idea, there might have been some testosterone going on there.  I’m just sayin’….

So, when we realize that we are allowing both external circumstances and internal processes to create our experience of the world, we now have the secret weapon, the power tool, the greatest insight that life can produce.  You can choose how you respond to life.  Which in turn, means that you can choose how you ultimately feel.  Now, you can see how important it is that you decide how you WANT to experience life!

I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. It was devastating news, and I’m sure, and one that carries with it much fear and anxiety.  But I was so proud of the way she pro-actively decided to go through the process. She said that she decided early on that she wanted the experience to be transformational and wanted it to be an opportunity for her to cherish her friendships and her family.  Whenever things got tough, whenever the pain and the treatments were excruciating, she said that she would ask herself the question, “How do I want to experience this situation?”   She’s my role model on how we can experience the best and worst of life in a pro-active, positive way.

I just spent three weeks traveling overseas with my 29-year old daughter.  I love her dearly.  We are very close. And after three weeks, even the person you love with all your heart can drive you crazy.  We spent a week in her apartment in Mumbai, which is about the size of a shoe box.  It was well designed but clearly made for one person (from an American perspective!).  We had a lot of opportunities to create havoc for each other.

She and I have travelled all over the world together, in very primitive situations, and it has been a process to learn how to be with each other in extremely tense and difficult situations.    Even though she practices Buddhism as well, we can still get on each other’s nerves.  But, with Buddhism, we have a common language to speak with each other about what is happening, and to find a way to respond in a more positive way. 

What I found these last three weeks, is that the Buddhist practices really do work.  Not immediately, but slowly over time.  Both of us have done a lot of reflection and meditation on how we want to experience life and how we want to show up for each other. 

I’m going to quote a very odd source for a very Buddhist perspective.  Donny Osmond.  Remember Donny Osmond, the Mormon pop singer of the famous Donny and Marie show in the seventies.  Okay, if you under forty, this may mean nothing to you…but!  Donny had eight kids, and when they were interviewed about what it was like to be Donny Osmond’s child, they said the best part was their dad’s attitude to life.  Whenever a difficult situation arose, when some work needed to be done that wasn’t pleasant or the kids really didn’t want to do it, he would always ask the question to them, “How can we make this fun?”

When I see the Dalai Lama, he is so often laughing--laughing in spite of a very difficult situation for his people.  The Dalai Lama is deciding how he wants to experience life.  It doesn’t mean that he is diminishing the difficult facts.  It doesn’t mean that he is ignoring reality.  It doesn’t mean that he’s not working hard to transform the situation.  But it does mean that along the way, he has decided that happiness is a choice. 

And it turns out that deciding to be happy has an incredible benefit.  By focusing our energy on happiness, we create more energy to work with.  We create more energy to change the world for the better.  Life doesn’t have to seem so difficult. 

There are so many examples of people transforming their experience in difficult situations:  Ram Dass, after his stroke, Christopher Reeves, after his paralysis.  You have the power to decide how you want to experience life and put your energy there.   I predict that you’ll make better decisions and have more energy by choosing your experience.

Visualization practices, like Loving-kindness, is a great way to see more clearly how we are currently experiencing life and to explore how we might want to transform our thinking. As the Buddha is quoted, “What you think becomes what you live.”