Happiness - Being in the Flow of Living

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.)

We are finishing up a series of talks based on Matthieu Ricard’s book, Happiness:  A Guide to developing Life’s most important skill.    Finally, we’ll discuss how to be in the flow of living.  Sometimes, life can seem like a struggle, with battles to be fought and suffering to be overcome.  Each person tends to bring judgments, perceptions, beliefs, past experiences and habits into each moment, which might make contribute to a feeling that we are battling to stay afloat in the sea of life.  It might seem like each day a new set of issues arise.  Yet, Matthieu Ricard encourages us that there is an entirely different way of experiencing the world that brings a deeper, more long-lasting sense of happiness. 

Today, we’ll talk about being in the flow.  Martin Seligman, a pioneer in Applied Positive Psychology, has studied Matthieu Ricard and others, researching and measuring what actually causes a sense of happiness in the brain.  One of the key processes he identified is what he describes as “Flow”, a sense of being so absorbed in a task or activity that time seems to stand still. Flow is when we are able to effortlessly move through life, instead of getting stuck in negative self-talk, feelings of frustration or a myriad of obstacles.  There are many ways for us to practice being in the flow.

One example of flow is that there is something that each of you do well, so well that you sometime lose your sense of time and place in the process.  It can be playing a game like tennis or scrabble—we can get into the flow of playing a game well.  Or, you might have a musical talent, when you become one with the music as you play.  Or, it might be a type of work you do--we can learn to work and also be in the flow. 

We can also listen to music or watch a fire and feel in the flow, or simply walking in nature or staring out at the ocean.  In fact, it’s possible to do all activities in flow, each moment bringing a deeper sense of delight.  We can find the flow in what some might consider the mundane activities of life—washing the dishes, doing the laundry, making dinner.  How joyful life could be if we use each moment to practice being in the flow, being alive with the fullness of living?

Matthieu Ricard suggests another way to experience flow is to practice nonjudgmental curiosity, as if experiencing each activity for the very first time.  Try something as simple as brushing your teeth, and imagining that you are new at it.  Fascinating!

He also encourages us to practice listening as if we ar a blank sheet of paper, being completely open and available to the other person.  We can more deeply hear each other if we are not spending so much time judging or thinking about what we are going to say next.  Try this experiment with a dear friend—just simply listen to them and reply back with a summary of what they said—they will begin to feel truly heard! 

Here are some additional experiments for you to try:

·        Find your strengths and find ways to do use them more often.  There’s an excellent book by Marcus Buckingham, called, First, Break all the Rules. And in it, he shares the research that shows that instead of trying to make everyone good at everything, the best managers are the ones that pick people that are good at certain things, and set up an environment where they are able to do more of that thing they do well. 

·        Apply curiosity and focus to activities you do every day—getting in and out of the car, walking through doorways, opening the refrigerator door.  Imagine that everything you do can be an opportunity to get into the flow.  The wonderful Zen quote is that before enlightenment, chop wood carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood carry water.

·        Practice listening with complete openness and availability.  Some Buddhist practices describe a process of being like a mirror where you are simply reflecting back exactly what the other person is sharing with you.  Not taking on their story, not overlaying our own past experience, just simply being present to hear and understand what they are saying.

·        Another great practice is the visualization of the offering prayer, offering up any sense of struggle or suffering.  We can use this visualization to create a sense of cleansing and purifying our perspective of ourselves, each moment and of others.  Start fresh again and again, the timeless time of each precious moment.