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Today, we begin a series of talks based on Matthieu Ricard’s book, Happiness: A Guide to developing Life’s most important skill. When you ask people what they want in life, most of us would say that we want to be happy. But what does that really mean? When you think about being happy, what does that mean to you?
Definitions of happiness can often be vague and even conflicting, everything from it being some kind of momentary pleasure based on our external circumstances to some utopian ideal of joy throughout all of life. For the purpose of this series, let’s look at how Matthieu describes happiness :
“...a deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind. This is not a mere pleasurable feeling, or fleeting emotion or mood, but an optimal state of being. Happiness is a way of interpreting the world, since while it may be difficult to change the world, it is ALWAYS possible to change the way we look at it.” Page 19
He goes further to talk about that ultimate happiness is when we let go of any sense of internal conflict, letting go of any sense of struggle within ourselves. When we get into the flow of living, beyond trying to merely manipulate our external circumstances will never make us truly “happy”.
And he points out some important distinctions:
“The search for happiness is NOT about looking at life through rose-colored glasses or blinding oneself to the pain and imperfections of the world. Nor is happiness a state of ecstasy to be perpetuated at all costs; INSTEAD he defines it is as the purging of mental toxins, such as hatred and obsession, that are literally poisoning the mind. It is about learning how to put thing in perspective and reduce the gap between appearances and reality.” P. 23
As I reflected on this idea of happiness this week, I thought about a dear congregant, Shannon Humphrey, who is a school teacher and single mom with three children. Shannon, as I speak, is going through her second bone marrow transplant in two years. She is isolated, sick, hair has fallen out, can’t see her children because she has no immune system. Happiness in this moment might seem like a faint memory to Shannon. But, I can tell you that every time I’ve seen Shannon in the last two years, she has been smiling, and been happy to be alive. She is my hero. She continues to cherish the love of her family, to retain a sense of humor, and has tremendous courage to face unbelievable suffering. I believe Shannon understands happiness at the deepest level.
This book is filled with practical tools that enable us to rest in sense of happiness and well-being, not because we are chasing after happiness, but because we have peeled away all the habits and factors that cause us to not be happy. Happiness can naturally arise in each and every moment of life, regardless of our external circumstances. The Sanskrit term for this state is “sukha”.
So, where do we start, to increase the sense of happiness in our lives and in our world? We will look not at what to “get”, but how to “be” in order to experience happiness. Mathieu encourages us to start with a practice of analysis and introspection. We will be learning how to analyze what is the cause of true happiness versus what is the cause of our suffering. A critical factor in this practice is learning to go beyond a superficial understanding of our thoughts, emotions and actions, to a deeper understanding of our motivations, our intentions and our unskillful beliefs about ourselves and the world.
But first and foremost, before we start this journey together towards greater happiness, you need to be motivated to change. How much do you want to be happy? If you are here for the intellectual entertainment to learn more about Buddhism, that is fine and dandy, but let’s not fool ourselves that intellectual curiosity will be enough to change us at the deepest level. How badly do you want to be happy? Are we willing to give up old ways of coping with suffering? Some of our old coping methods, as unskillful as they may be, still provide some momentary relief. We To be deeply happy over the long haul may first require us to give up some momentary pleasure. The Buddhist texts encourage us to practice as if our hair is on fire, as if mindfulness and meditation were the only ways to put out the flames. I know for me, at times, my life has been such a mess, it certainly seemed like my hair was on fire—something was causing me to experience great pain, and it almost always turned out to my own unskillful thoughts, words and actions. The suffering could always be found in my response to my situation.
Letting go of Drama
Let’s face it, sometimes people love the drama, even if it includes suffering, maybe even beBECAUSE it includes suffering! It can sometimes seem like we’re spicing life up with a little drama. There are people who see the misery we create in our lives as that which enables us to better appreciate the happy times. But do we really need to act unskillfully just to make life interesting? Really? We can get addicted to the drama, just like an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Life starts to feel boring, and we get uncomfortable with it. Some might decide to stir the drama pot to feel alive. I encourage us all to imagine the possibility that there is a deeper happiness, and aliveness, beyond the drama. Emulating “The Real Housewives” of any city will not lead to an inner sense of well-being! There is a happiness that is far more satisfying, far more long lasting, than any short term thrill that drama might provide.
Finding happiness is NOT about removing all risk-taking from our lives. It’s not about just sitting down in meditation and doing nothing. It’s about practicing happiness in midst of life, in each and every moment, of committing to acting more skillfully, to practicing a sense of well-being, moment by moment. Therein lies the beginning of happiness. We are operating most of the time in a tiny spectrum of possibilities. This book enables us to explore a much wider range of experience that we can experience in our lives.
Steve sent me a fascinating YouTube about the spectrum of electro-magnetic rays. If we think about the spectrum as a reel of film that is 2500 miles long, the visible portion of the spectrum would be a single inch. That’s what we see with our eyes. Think about the constraints that you put on your own life. There is so much more happening in each moment, so many more possibilities, that we overlook or ignore because we often focus only on this tiny spectrum of habitual responses because that is what we have always done, and that brings us some momentary pleasure or at least relief. For this journey towards being happier, we will focus on a deep state of well-being, and discover some practices that enable us to expand our way of interacting with ourselves and the world.
Lastly, Matthieu includes that true happiness is not possible without wishing for others happiness as well. We can discover that our own happiness and the happiness of others does not need to be mutually exclusive. Solely focusing on our own happiness will not lead to that deep state of well-being.
"One should seek for others the happiness one desires for oneself"
Buddha
Two practices as we begin: Analysis and Introspection, and Serving others
#1 What is it that makes you happy? What makes you unhappy?
#2 How might we have a sense of purpose greater than ourselves? ?How could we include the happiness of others in our intentions and actions?
In Sanskrit, “Sarva Mangalam” means “May all beings be happy”
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