(For Podcast, click here. For ITunes version, click here.)
Today we continue our book series on Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.
In the chapter entitled, “Working for Peace”, TNH takes a precise look
at how we can create peace in each moment of every day through our thoughts,
our words and our actions.
TNH goes into depth about exploring how we can
incorporate peaceful thoughts, words and actions through the way we treat
ourselves, through the way we treat others and through the way we treat the
environment. We often think of working
for peace as a grand plan, “world peace”, and it can easily become
overwhelming—what can I do to achieve peace in the world? TNH encourages us that we can start with this
moment! How can we make each moment of
our lives more peaceful, loving and compassionate?
There is an interesting process of conflict resolution
that he outlines, one that has been utilized by monks and nuns in Buddhist
monasteries for the last 2500 years, so let’s explore how these seven steps
might be utilized in our own lives:
1.
Face-to-face sitting: How often do we
go directly to the person that we have a problem with and communicate with them? Often, it might seem easier to kvetch about
it with others, pleading our case to get others on our side. That practice would NOT be included in
increasing the peace in this world. So,
imagine the possibility of going directly to the person with whom you are
having some difficulty. Now, in the
monastery, they actually face each other in front of everyone else—in the real
world, that may not be such a great idea, unless you feel you need witnesses or
protection! (In the real world,
sometimes “face-to-face” might best be done as a visualization instead of
direct confrontation.)
2.
Remembrance: Each person is allowed time to share their
side of the story. What happened from
their perspective, how what was said or done made them feel, without
interruption. In the book, Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking
when the stakes are high, it’s encouraged that after the person has
finished talking the other person tries to relate back what they heard, in the
most objective, accurate words possible.
3.
Non-stubbornness: It’s helpful to want a compromise, to share in
the responsibility of giving to the greater good. Each conflict is an
opportunity to explore what we are holding on to and why.
4.
Covering mud with straw: The symbolism is that mud is easier to walk over, to get
beyond, when straw is laid down atop it.
In the monastery, they bring in the wise elders to help bridge the
divide between the two. In our own
lives, it might help to bring in an objective third party like a therapist or
counselor to help sort through the issue.
5.
Voluntary Confession: each person gives
a little, by confessing to some minor infraction. “I was crabby yesterday, and I snapped at
you, and I want to apologize” or something like that. These small confessions create an encouraging
atmosphere around the problem. Then, a
greater confession might arise—what can we acknowledge about our own behavior
that caused or exacerbated the situation?
6.
Decision by Consensus: In the monastery,
everyone gets a vote. Now, I’m not sure
this part will work in the real world, but I do think it’s often possible to
find an acceptable compromise that both can live with. However, I recognize that sometimes we have
to make tough choices that others may not agree with. Each conflict is an opportunity to ask
ourselves, “What am I hanging on to?” “What
would create the most good or do the least harm?”
7.
Accepting the Verdict: Once a decision
has been made, accept it. How many times
are conflicts discussed, changes agreed to, and then nothing new happens. Think about those conflicts in your own life
that may continue to bubble up in new and different ways.
With these seven steps in mind,
we’ll practice the Forgiveness visualization, to explore how forgiveness could
be a powerful force for peace in ourselves, with those close to us and with all
others in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment