Being Peace – 4 – Working for Peace

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.) 

Today we continue our book series on Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  In the chapter entitled, “Working for Peace”, TNH takes a precise look at how we can create peace in each moment of every day through our thoughts, our words and our actions.

TNH goes into depth about exploring how we can incorporate peaceful thoughts, words and actions through the way we treat ourselves, through the way we treat others and through the way we treat the environment.  We often think of working for peace as a grand plan, “world peace”, and it can easily become overwhelming—what can I do to achieve peace in the world?  TNH encourages us that we can start with this moment!  How can we make each moment of our lives more peaceful, loving and compassionate?

There is an interesting process of conflict resolution that he outlines, one that has been utilized by monks and nuns in Buddhist monasteries for the last 2500 years, so let’s explore how these seven steps might be utilized in our own lives:

1.    Face-to-face sitting:  How often do we go directly to the person that we have a problem with and communicate with them?  Often, it might seem easier to kvetch about it with others, pleading our case to get others on our side.  That practice would NOT be included in increasing the peace in this world.  So, imagine the possibility of going directly to the person with whom you are having some difficulty.  Now, in the monastery, they actually face each other in front of everyone else—in the real world, that may not be such a great idea, unless you feel you need witnesses or protection!  (In the real world, sometimes “face-to-face” might best be done as a visualization instead of direct confrontation.) 

2.    Remembrance:   Each person is allowed time to share their side of the story.  What happened from their perspective, how what was said or done made them feel, without interruption.  In the book, Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking when the stakes are high, it’s encouraged that after the person has finished talking the other person tries to relate back what they heard, in the most objective, accurate words possible.

3.    Non-stubbornness:   It’s helpful to want a compromise, to share in the responsibility of giving to the greater good. Each conflict is an opportunity to explore what we are holding on to and why.

4.    Covering mud with straw: The symbolism is that mud is easier to walk over, to get beyond, when straw is laid down atop it.  In the monastery, they bring in the wise elders to help bridge the divide between the two.  In our own lives, it might help to bring in an objective third party like a therapist or counselor to help sort through the issue.

5.    Voluntary Confession:  each person gives a little, by confessing to some minor infraction.  “I was crabby yesterday, and I snapped at you, and I want to apologize” or something like that.  These small confessions create an encouraging atmosphere around the problem.  Then, a greater confession might arise—what can we acknowledge about our own behavior that caused or exacerbated the situation?

6.    Decision by Consensus:  In the monastery, everyone gets a vote.  Now, I’m not sure this part will work in the real world, but I do think it’s often possible to find an acceptable compromise that both can live with.  However, I recognize that sometimes we have to make tough choices that others may not agree with.  Each conflict is an opportunity to ask ourselves, “What am I hanging on to?”  “What would create the most good or do the least harm?” 

7.    Accepting the Verdict:   Once a decision has been made, accept it.  How many times are conflicts discussed, changes agreed to, and then nothing new happens.  Think about those conflicts in your own life that may continue to bubble up in new and different ways. 

With these seven steps in mind, we’ll practice the Forgiveness visualization, to explore how forgiveness could be a powerful force for peace in ourselves, with those close to us and with all others in the world. 

Being Peace – 3 – Don't Waste Your Life

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.)  

Today we continue our discussion on the book, Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  This morning we will talk about how to not waste our life.  That sounds like a pretty important topic.  TNH coaches us on to find joy in each moment by starting with the teachings on the Five Aggregates or Skandhas in Sanskrit, or the five components of living:  we have form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness. 

The sutras describe five aggregate (Skandhas): ^{(from Wikipedia)}

1.   "form" or "matter"^:  external and internal matter. Externally is the physical world. Internally, it includes the material body and the physical sense organs.

2.   "sensation" or "feeling": sensing an object as either pleasant or unpleasant or neutral.

3.   "perception", "conception", "apperception", "cognition", or "discriminate:  registers whether an object is recognized or not (for instance, the sound of a bell or the shape of a tree).

4.   "mental formations", "impulses", "volition", or "compositional factors":  all types of mental habits, thoughts, ideas, opinions, prejudices, compulsions, and decisions.

5.   "consciousness" or "discernment"^: that which is discerned; a series of rapidly changing interconnected discrete acts of cognizance.

With our feelings and perceptions, we are usually categorizing the world around us at pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.  This is one of the Buddha’s original teachings.  Once we realize the we are judging each moment, each thing, each activity, each person as either pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, we are able to use our mental capabilities to transform our experience. 

First, with pleasant experiences, that may seem easy.  Yay!  We have pleasant moments in life!  But many times we are not fully present to fully experience, to savor these times.  When something wonderful happens in our lives, we can practice being fully present by conscious breathing or focusing our attention on the sensations in our body.  In Positive Psychology, the research shows that savoring is one of the three important ways to increase happiness.  We can practice savoring pleasant experiences.

Second, we have unpleasant experiences that come in many forms.  It could be pain in our body or painful emotions or thoughts.  One of TNH’s main teachings is learning to smile more often.  The research shows that smiling causes positive bio-chemicals to be released into our body.  How lovely that something so simple can have such a positive impact.  But, let’s face it: sometimes we don’t feel like smiling and sometimes smiling feels disingenuous and fake.  In the book, TNH tells the story of a woman who came to see him after his teaching on the practice of smiling.  She honestly said that she didn’t feel like smiling.  Her young child had died of leukemia, and she vacillated between numb and sorrow.  Thay encouraged her that she could try smiling at her sorrow, because she was more than her sorrow, that the essence of her was not sorrow.  We so easily can get caught up in our feelings and perceptions about what is going on around us, unconsciously assuming that there is only one way to experience what is happening.

Take an example of something that happens in every day life.   People die, people disappoint us, we disappoint ourselves.  Moments like these happen to everyone.  In Buddhism, we learn that we can choose how to handle our response to our feelings and perceptions.  When unpleasant experiences arise, we can be aware of them arising, then make a choice how to respond. 

                                    Breathing in, I calm my body.

                                    Breathing out, I smile.

We can use these simple phrases to change our experience of each moment, maybe not completely, but little by little being calm, smiling and marveling at life can become more of our natural way of being. 

Lastly, TNH makes some bold statements about neutral sensations, emotions and perceptions.  Think about all the stimuli, in the form of media, people, events, activities, all the things that we interact with, and never pay much attention at all.  Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel pleasant or unpleasant, so we just ignore it.  This is the great teaching of no toothache.  Right now, in this moment, hopefully, your teeth are not in pain.  So, most likely, you’re experiencing your teeth in a neutral way.  Now, imagine if you suddenly had a toothache.  How strongly would you yearn for returning to the neutral state?  So, TNH encourages us that these neutral experience, are opportunities to amp up the experience of life—to turn neutral experiences into pleasant ones.  Ahhhh, no toothache, Ahhhh, feeling no pain.  Ahhh, the beauty and joy of someone smiling.  With the mere act of smiling, we can take a neutral moment, of say walking down the street, and transform it into a pleasant experience, by smiling at ourselves or at anyone we pass.  We have this incredible power to transform our life into a mostly pleasant experience, and we can do do by the mere transformation of these small acts.  Calming our body, smiling and being fully present.  How amazing is that?

So this week, we can explore, search out, discover the massive amount of neutral moments in our lives, and play with the possibility of transforming them into pleasant experience.  Seeing a child smile, watching a thunderstorm, not having a toothache.  Ahhhhhhhh.

Being Peace – 2 – The Three Gems

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.)  

Today we continue our discussion on book, Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  This morning we will talk about the Three Gems:  The Buddha, The Dharma and the Sangha.  The Buddha himself saw these three facets as the very core of the teachings, the legs on a three-legged stool.  Sometimes there is a tendency for us to lean on one aspect alone, like just imagining ourselves as the Buddha and focusing on our Buddha nature, or just reading the enlightened teachings—it seems that there is a new book on Buddhism that comes out every week—I myself often feel a craving for that next new book—Amazon makes it so easy to click it and get it.  Sometimes, I need to ask myself, “is it another book that I need, or some more practice?”  And some people just want to spend time with the sangha, hanging out with friends, but not really practicing or studying.  Thich Nhat Hanh is urging us to find the strength in the practice of all three gems, the power of practicing them in an integrated way. 

This morning, we will briefly go through the three gems individually, then reflect upon how we can integrate all three practice them in our daily lives. We'll start with taking refuge in, relying on, the Buddha.  There is a common misconception about Buddhism that we are worshiping this statue of the Buddha, there are even some Western translations that use the term, “Lord Buddha”.  According to the dictionary, Lord is a title for a person or deity who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler.  Nowhere in the original Buddhist teachings was Buddha talking about himself being a Lord!  He continually emphasized that he was simply a person that was awake.  We can use these images of The Buddha as a reminder, even an aspiration, to what each of us has the potential to embody.  We already have innate Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, innate goodness, within us.   When you look at a statue of the Buddha, it can remind you of that innate goodness within you, a reminder that you have this incredible power within that you can focus with laser-like precision on showing up in life as a Buddha, an enlightened, awakened, loving, compassionate being.    The Buddha integrated understanding and love, wisdom and compassion into this radical path of being.  When we take refuge in the Buddha, we are committed to integrating understanding and love, compassion and wisdom, into our daily lives.

Sometimes, it can get overwhelming thinking about all the problems and suffering that we have in the world, but Mother Theresa said it well, “Yes, do good in the world.  And start with the person next to you.”

The second gem is the Dharma, all these wonderful enlightened teachings from those that came before us.  But, Thay makes an additional point that is equally valuable.  The Dharma, the Truth, is also all around us, We can read so many books from so many enlightened masters, and still miss the incredible teaching that is all in each moment of listening to a bird sing, or being fully present with a friend, or hearing a beautiful piece of music.  Waking up is about waking up!  Not just by studying books, but by studying life, being present to the learnings all around us all the time.

TNH also points out that Dharma teachings are just pointers.  Words are not enlightenment.    Awakening in its full capacity is indescribable.  We read to get an idea of, to look in the right direction towards, to create fertile ground for experiencing.  But, reading and learning is not the experience itself.  The experience of being awake is the ultimate teacher.   Thus, reading and studying is important, but only as part of the integrated path.

Lastly, we have the sangha.  I often mention that if I arrived here on Sunday morning and sat down to meditate, and no one was here, I’m sure it could still be a lovely experience, but for me to get this opportunity to meditate with each of you—that turbo-charges my practice.  We are here physically together but our presence is also creating a spiritual experience.  By merely showing up, you are supporting this spiritual community.  When I first started coming to Unity Temple in the early 90’s, there were mornings when the alarm would go off, and I would think, “I really don’t want to get out of bed this morning!”  But, over time, I felt a commitment as part of this spiritual community, so sometimes I came even when I didn’t feel like it.  And what I found was, that when I got here, I was usually  grateful I came.  Either there was a message I needed to hear, or someone that came to support me, or sometimes I realized that I was there to support someone else.  Being together in the same place, with a generous and supportive attitude, makes small miracles happen.  And sometimes, it makes great miracles happen.  You being here—you are making a difference with your presence.

How wonderful is that?!?  We get to show up for some peace and serenity for ourselves, and we end up providing beautiful encouragement and support for others.  Even on a day when we feel anxious or sad or angry or depressed, we can come together and find great solace in encouraging and supporting others, which in turn supports us. 

I’m also going to disagree with TNH on one point.  He describes the Sangha as a community that lives in harmony and awareness.  That is certainly our aspiration, but we cannot be discouraged when we find that by being with people, sometimes things are not very harmonious.  Coming together as a spiritual community is not about every day being a picnic.  It’s about committing to show up for each other even when the going gets tough, even when we don’t feel like it, even when someone irritates the crap out of us.  That is part of the practice.  Of course, we must set appropriate boundaries and some people are best loved from afar.  But, we are here to practice loving each other just as they are.  If we can’t find acceptance here, then why are we here?

The three Gems are the cornerstone of the Buddhist path, Each and every day, each and every moment, we have a gift, an opportunity to practice incorporating them, integrating them, living them, and finding the nirvanic peace that comes from this endeavor.

Being Peace - 1 - Why We Suffer

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.)  

Today we begin our book series on Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  I love the title of his first chapter, “Suffering is not enough.”  Doesn’t it sometime seem like suffering is the objective of life?  People we love get sick. People we love die. We get sick.  We die.  Accidents and injuries occur.  Doesn’t that sound like a whole lot of suffering? 

Thich Nhat Hanh, or Thay as he is often called, is challenging us that we can choose to suffer or not suffer.  There is pain in life for sure, but only we can decide how to respond to it.  He begins by likening our situation in life to watching a TV with a thousand plus channels, in fact most of us can watch a TV with a thousand plus channels…and a phone and a computer and advertising and all the other ways that this contemporary life as evolved into helping us not be fully present.  Make no mistake, you are choosing which channel to “watch”, you are choosing which channel you are “seeing”.  Your experience is just reflecting what channel, what filter you are putting on every thought, every emotion, every action that you have, see and do. 

I think sometimes Thay’s teachings are misinterpreted as being too simplistic -- “oh, just smile, and everything will be okay.”  He makes an important statement early in Chapter One, to drive home the deeper meaning of these teachings.  He says,

“Life is both dreadful and wonderful.  To practice meditation is to be in touch with both aspects.”

Through the practice of mindfulness, we are not just blocking out the icky parts and focused only on the nice parts.  Instead, we practice choosing more consciously our response to each situation that arises. 

I love the analogy of a TV with many stations.  Thay encourages us that if we turn to the Buddha channel, we are the Buddha.  How we show up in life impacts greatly how we experience life.  At first, it might feel kind of fake—I don’t really feel like smiling, Mr. Buddhist Monk.  Thank you very much for your sugary sweet message.  Clearly you don’t understand MY life…

But….there is a middle way, as the Buddha taught.  We can see clearly what is happening, then we start to choose a different way of responding.  Being loving and kind to everyone might feel weird at first.  Dropping our storyline and just being present might feel really really weird.  Who are we if we don’t cling to our past experiences???  My encouragement to you is to keep trying, keep imagining what it would feel like to be loving and kind, to be compassionate, to be a Buddha.  Eventually imagining turns into experiencing.

Thay talks about a woman who could only see her sorrow.  He suggested that she smile at her sorrow because she is not just her sorrow.  We are much more than our past or even our present.  We are in a constant state of becoming. We are building the future in this moment, and in this moment we have an opportunity to experience ourselves and others and life on a much grander scale.  Why do we play small?  Why do we want to bury our heads in the grinding overwhelm of external and internal distractions?  Sometime life seems too hard to do, like it’s too much.  I know that feeling well.  The Buddhist practices are designed to encourage us to start with simply imagining the possibility that there is another way of being. Slowly, we then become better equipped to weather the inevitable storms that arise in life, more gracefully, more peacefully, more lovingly.  I have found this to be a radically better way of being. 

THE DREAM OF CONSTANT OKAYNESS (From Pema Chodron, “Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change”)

“It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for that is freedom—freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human.”

TNH suggests we try this simple visualization:

Breathing in, I calm my body

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment

I know this is a wonderful moment.

Whoa, is he really asking us to imagine that every moment is a wonderful moment?  Some moments seem pretty sucky to me. But this is our stretch objective—to find the wonderfulness in each moment.  As many of you know, my mom has been living with me for the last six weeks, and has dementia.  And in that time, there were a lot of moments that didn’t feel wonderful, but I got an opportunity see how I was choosing how to respond.  My mom was going to be who she was going to be, regardless of my thoughts or emotions or desires.  So, I got to choose how I was going to show up.  I was far from perfect, but in hindsight, I can see that she was my practice—what a powerful tool our togetherness was for me to practice these teachings, not just giving it lip service, but deeply experiencing the power of the practice. 

One morning, during breakfast, as we sat across from each other eating, out of the blue, she began to recall the first time she met my dad (they were madly in love for 56 years).  I just sat in amazement as she recalled every detail of that very first time she saw him, and said she knew that he was the one she would marry.  She described the way he stood at the bottom of the dormitory stairs, his hat in his hand, wearing a handsome gray wool coat over his suit, remembering that is was a Valentine’s Day dance that they would attend.  She smiled as she remembered the butterflies in her stomach, and that she wished that night would never end.  Amidst the awfulness of dementia, there are these moments of clarity.  I just sat and let it pour over me like a soothing balm.  Then, the moment past, and she was back to the worry and anxiety that often fills her head.  For a few moments, there was simply wonderment and awe.  I cherish those moments even more due to their increasing rarity.

Here’s what I discovered:  when I was able to respond with loving-kindness, regardless of what was happening, my own experience was greatly enhanced.  Amidst tears, and worries and anxieties and fears and relentless questions, hers and my own, when I responded with loving-kindness and compassion, my own experience, and at times it seems that my mom’s experience as well, became more positive.  I began to realize that I sometimes could change the energy of the situation by focusing on peace and well-being for us both.   Who do you have in your life that is helping you practice these teachings by being difficult?  I suggest that the hardest parts of our life are in fact our greatest teachers.  There is a pony to be found in any pile of poop. 

Each moment, we can practice responding in a peaceful way, this is how we ultimately “be peace”.  This is how we spread peace. 

Breathing in, I calm my body

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment

I know this is a wonderful moment.