(For Podcast, click here. For ITunes version, click here.)
We are continuing to mine the great
spiritual riches from the book, Happiness by Matthieu Ricard. There was a story included in Chapter 17
about a study that was done in Liverpool.
Researchers put a man in a public area, a park, and they positioned him
near a walkway and he appeared to be in some distress and needing help. The
researchers then observed people walking by to see how they reacted. They simply counted how many people walked on
by and how many people stopped to help. They
found that, out of hundred people passing by, only 15 people stopped to
help. Then, they ran the exact same
experiment, but changed only one variable—they had the man wear a jersey from
the local soccer team. He was the same
man; he was in the same distress, in the exact same place. In this second scenario, 85 people stopped to
help him. By simply wearing a jersey for
the home team, it appears they had a greater desire to help. This experiment helps demonstrate our innate desire
to belong to something bigger than ourselves, whether it be a soccer team or a
spiritual community.
There was also some interesting
research done with a group of ministers.
Researchers went to a ministers conference and asked a some of the ministers
to give a talk on the Good Samaritan story from the Bible. They had each minister, one by one, meet in a
room across the campus of this university where the conference was being held. Part of the ministers were told that they had
plenty of time to make it across campus to give their speech, then gave them
directions how to get to the conference room.
On the way across campus, they positioned a man who appeared to be in
some distress. Of those ministers who were told they had
plenty of time to make it to the conference room, about 90% of the ministers
stopped and offered assistance. Then,
they did the exact same experiment, except for one variable--the researchers
told the second set of the ministers, one by one, that they were running late, by
about ten minutes, and that they would need to hurry to make it to the
conference room in time to give their talk.
Of this second group, only 10% stopped to help the man in distress. How ironic—they were going to give a talk
about the Good Samaritan!
I think we can all relate to both a
sense of wanting to belong to something greater than ourselves AND also those
feelings of stress, depression or frustration that can cause us to close down
and forget about others, becoming solely focused on our own suffering. The entire 17th chapter of the
book on Happiness is devoted to altruism.
It turns out that altruism is actually good for us. We’ve talked a great deal about having an
innate sense of well-being, regardless of our external circumstances, as a key
component of long term happiness, and we have discussed many practices to work
on ourselves internally, about how we feel about ourselves. Matthieu Ricard emphasizes that an equally
important component of happiness is caring for others, of having and acting
upon this sense of altruism. We can
practice and strengthen our altruistic muscle.
It turns out when your mom told you
to share and be nice to others, she was right!
It really is good for you! Altruism
has an incredible impact on us, not only psychologically but also physiologically. There is a great deal of research that
confirms this connection. People who
volunteer, for instance, are significantly less likely to die from a second heart
attack, than others who do not—holding all other variables constant. It
turns out that being nice to each other is not only good for the planet, but it’s
also good for us.
There is an important distinction
about Buddhism that is sometimes missed because many of us come to Buddhism in
the midst of a crisis in our life. It
can be misunderstood that these practices are like any other self-help
program. One might assume that it’s just
about mindfulness and meditation. We
might have thought that we were just trying to get better, so that we can get
on with our life, but Buddhism is a way of life, not just medication for short
term relief.
When we talk about taking refuge in
Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, these three jewels are like a three-legged
stool. If we are only focused on ourself
and our own practice, then we will miss the critical component of spiritual
community. We come together to help each
other, and to also be willing to reach out and ask for help. As we each sit together in this room, imagine
that we are all part of this practice.
The fact that you are all here is part of what is making it all
work. Any sense of loving-kindness and
compassion that you might be feeling is being shared with each and every person
in this room.
Last year, several of us went to
Arkansas to see the Dalai Lama. We were
so excited with anticipation! We were there in the sport arena with 19,000
of his closest friends. It was quite an
ordeal—there was no assigned seating, so we had to get there at 7 am in the
morning and wait in line, then get our seat and wait until he and some other
panel members spoke from 9 am to 11 am, then they made us exit the arena and
get back in line, just to go back inside, find our seats and wait until 1 pm,
when the Dalai Lama returned and spoke until about 3 o’clock. We were basically stuck in this sports arena
from 7 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon.
I kept thinking about the usual energy that probably filled the arena in
the midst of a basketball game or concert.
We, however, were there with 19,000 people who were all focused on this
experience of being with the Dalai Lama.
Of course, the Dalai Lama said some wonderful things, but when we left, the
most powerful part of the experience had been that I spent a whole day with
19,000 people focusing on loving-kindness and compassion. I left feeling spiritually intoxicated!
If you think you are just here to
help yourself, that’s a good thing, that’s a good place to start. But, we’re also here to change the
world. We may not change every single
person, but we can make a very large impact on the person sitting next to us, and
on every person in this room, and maybe even several people in this city. As you begin to explore walking this Buddhist
path, there is a lot of talk about mindfulness and meditation, and they are
important components. But, I encourage you
to focus equally on the Sangha, the spiritual community, considering what that
can do for your happiness and the happiness of those around you.
Many of us can relate to times of
depression, when we feel like we want to isolate, that we don’t want to leave
the house, or maybe not even get out of bed. There might have been times when
we felt sure that no one ever felt what we were feeling, no one could understand
what we were going through. Once again,
the research shows that depression symptoms can be diminished if they can
convince that person to find any volunteer activity, anything that is about working
for the well-being of others, even a pet.
This innate desire for connectedness, even in the midst of suffering, is
more evidence that we are inseparably interconnected to each other . Beyond our unskillful thoughts, words and
actions, each of us wants and needs the same thing—to feel loved and cared for.
It can be a very good thing—by
getting outside of just worrying about our own happiness, we can actually find
some relief in worrying about the happiness of another. It can actually make us feel better. The research proving this fact is
overwhelming.
Sometimes this message gets confused
with being all or nothing, a misunderstanding that “I just have to forget about
me and ONLY care about others, then it’ll be okay.” That isn’t part of the process either. It is a balancing of caring for ourselves and
caring for others, in the middle way, where the deepest happiness can be found. I
love a term that Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche used in the 1970’s when he was trying
to teach Buddhism to hippies, who were trying to practice “free” love and
giving away all their stuff. He said
that you need to beware of “idiot compassion”, compassion without wisdom. This is not about giving away all your
possessions so that your own family doesn’t have enough food to eat. It is about finding the balance where we take
care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of others. Beware of idiot compassion.
An excellent tool for strengthening
our altruistic muscle is the guided meditation of loving-kindness. Like an athlete who mentally pictures effortlessly
achieving his sport, we too can imagine being more loving, kind and compassionate
to ourselves and to each and every person on the planet. This practice enables us to cultivate a sense
of love for ourselves and through that love, realize that we have an unlimited
supply to share with others. In Buddha,
Dharma AND Sangha, we can take refuge and find relief from suffering. Ahhhhhhh. How sweet it is…
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