I’m continuing the series of talks about the Lojong or Mind Training teachings. This group of 59 pithy slogans is a great place to start your practice or to deepen your practice, wherever you are at. In fact, a good reference book is Pema Chodron’s entitled, Start Where You Are. A reminder that these teachings are about opening our heart, getting comfortable with the power we have to transform the way we relate to ourselves and others.
This week, we’ll talk about a slogan in the Seventh Point, about how we relate to others.
44. Learn the Three difficult points
Last week, we talked about hindrances, and this week difficulties!? Hang in there with me! There’s some joy coming at the end of this talk.
Jamgon Kontrul is one of the commentators on these original teachings by Atisha, and he said,
"At first, it is difficult to recognize disturbing emotions. Second, it is difficult to overcome them. Third, it is difficult to keep up the practice. Therefore, you should train in these three points. First, recognize disturbing emotions for what they are as soon as they arise. Then, stop them by taking corrective measures. Finally, be decisive in your attitude that we will continue to get beyond these disturbing emotions, until they lose all power and fade away."
It’s about recognizing that we are stepping on our own feet, and figuring out a way to stop it. We often get irritated at what others do to us, but my belief is that there’s plenty to work on what we do to ourselves.
So what are these disturbing emotions? What emotions do you experience that get you all wrapped around the axle, get your panties in a wad, push your buttons, make you go off the deep end, set you off. It's amazing how many slang terms there are for getting hooked by disturbing emotions. This is an opportunity to recognize that we are all in the same boat. We may feel like we’re the only person that has this level of resentment or anger, or depression or sadness, or whatever the disturbing emotion might be.
I want to suggest that all disturbing emotions have one foundation, and that is fear. We are afraid of something, afraid of something hurting us, afraid of something changing, afraid of something NOT changing, afraid of the unknown.
Let’s put this to the test. Bring to mind some of your disturbing emotions. What wakes you up in the middle of the night? What hangs you up? What makes you uncomfortable? What causes you to act unskillfully? It might help to think back in the last few weeks, and remember a specific time that you felt disturbing emotions. …………. Now ask yourself, what is the basis of this emotion? What is the cause of this reaction?
This teaching is about how to create more joy in our lives. An underlying sense of fear in our lives can make everything a whole lot less joyful. Fear can hang over us, subtly define us, like, in that anti-depression pill commercial, where a dark cloud follows the person around in every activity of their day, sucking the joy out of the moment. This slogan is encouraging us to look at that dark cloud, encouraging us that when we face, go through and beyond our difficult emotions, life becomes more joyful.
I come from a family of worriers. So, I have a tendency to worry about a multitude of things. I’m hoping some of you can relate. There was always a tacit belief that worrying is doing something productive. I often felt that if I couldn’t do anything else, I could at least worry! Okay maybe pray a little as well, but in my family, worry was often seen as a viable response to a fearful situation.
A friend of mine was helping his son start a commercial building business, and the son was at the point where he had his own company and his own crew and his own deals. One day, the son found out that his demolition crew had started to demolish the wrong building, and at first it was unclear how to fix the problem or how much money it would cost. He found this out at around 5 pm on a Thursday and wouldn’t have additional answers that he would need until the next day. He called his father and they brainstormed some possible solutions, but clearly did not have enough information to make any decisions at that time. At 8 pm, his dad told his son that for the next 12 hours, that he would worry for his son, that his son could get a good night’s sleep, let go of any worry about the situation, and in the morning at 8 am, the son could call him, and the dad would return the responsibility for worrying back over to him. It might sound silly, but what good did the worry really do? And, when we have a difficult situation, isn’t it often the case that we need to set the problem down for awhile, then come back to it to find a better answer?
So, you might wonder--aren’t some fears helpful? Let’s see. I think it’s important to separate out the emotion of fear from being prudent and having proper planning. We can know not to run into the street without looking, without fearing cars. We can manage our money properly, without constantly fearing financial ruin.
So, this is not just about dealing with so-called irrational fears, though many of us have those as well. This is about dealing with all fears, including the ones about things that actually might happen. We may be afraid of getting sick, yep—that most likely will happen. And our loved ones very likely will get sick as well. We might lose all our money—now I hope that wouldn’t happen, and we should all be good money managers, but what if it did happened? We may be afraid of dying—yep, I can pretty much guarantee that everyone is this room is going to die some day.
So, how can we confront and overcome these difficult emotions? I would suggest that it’s about finding that innate wisdom within ourselves, and allowing that to create courage.
Courage is defined as the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death or threat of death, while spiritual courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, the ability to overcome shame, scandal, or discouragement. That is spiritual courage.
As we practice together, we are building our spiritual courage, just like building up a muscle in our body. We start to run towards the fear instead of away from it. In the Buddhist teachings, it is taught that everyone has within them Buddha Nature, innate wisdom, innate strength and courage. No one is left out. Not one. No matter how fearful you might feel at this moment or some moment in the future, you still have within you Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, to face those fears, those disturbing emotions, and get beyond them. Everyone has courage within them, waiting to be tapped.
Jennifer Baltz writes a spiritual blog entitled Creative Spirit, and in it she wrote, "I believe that spiritual courage is the art of remembering. Remembering that we are never truly alone…we are all in the same boat. that we are part of All That Is. Even when we forget and close our ears and eyes to that connection, we are still part of the Whole. And this awareness can give wings to our spiritual courage, intuition and ideas, because it allows each of us to be unique and special, and still be part of the Whole.”
So, it is difficult to recognize disturbing emotions, and it is difficult to overcome them and to keep up the practice. Therefore, you should train in these three points. First, recognize disturbing emotions for what they are as soon as they arise. Second, stop them by taking corrective measures by applying our innate courage to see the fear and make friends with it. Third, we can make it a priority in our life to get beyond the fear, until it loses all power and fades away. Through this simple process, we will all find a whole lot more joy than we ever thought possible.
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