Living Beautifully – 5 – what to do when we fail

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here) 

We are continuing a series of talks on Pema Chodron’s book, Living Beautifully, with Uncertainty and Grace.  So far, we have talked about the very first vow taken in Buddhism, the Refuge Vow, when we commit to walking this path as best we can, by taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.  A few weeks ago, I talked about the second commitment, The Bodhisattva Vow, where we vow to not worry about solely our own awakening, but hold back from full enlightenment until we help all others become awakened as well.  This is often taught as the second step of the Eightfold Path, which is right intention.  How we motivate ourselves in our thoughts, words and actions.

Sentient beings are numberless—I vow to liberate them.

Delusions are inexhaustible—I vow to transcend them.

Dharma Teachings are boundless—I vow to master them.

The Buddha’s enlightened way is unsurpassable—I vow to embody it.

We all want to know how to relieve our suffering as quickly as possible.  And yet, most of us have well-honed coping skills that cause us to rely upon protecting our own interests first, before trying to relieve anyone else’s suffering.  Or, perhaps we have the opposite problem, where we have lived a life trying to save everyone else, but not taken care of yourself from a mental, physical or spiritual perspective.  It’s easy to see how we can swing wide on each end of the spectrum—either “me first! Then everyone else” or  “you first!—don’t worry about me!”  Where do you fall on that spectrum of being a Bodhisattva?  Where is the sweet spot?  The place the creates the most good and relieves the most suffering?

In Chapter 8, Pema Chodron describes this spectrum of the Bodhisattva practice, the practice of incorporating everyone into our practice of loving-kindness and compassion.    She notes that it’s far more helpful to see these vows as a path, and to not beat ourselves up when we are not perfect Bodhisattvas, which will inevitably happen.   There is a very helpful book about this vow, which is entitled The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva. Written in the eight century, he teaches the three steps or The Three Attitudes towards enlightened living:

1.                  As a Steward King or Queen (as a ruler)

2.                  As a Ferryman (or woman!)

3.                  As a Shepherd

The ruler begins with themselves walking through the world with a sense of needing to be a good leader, of themselves first, then of everyone around them.  We may still think of ourselves and others as separate beings, but we begin to feel a deep sense of wanting others to be supported and cared for.  This is a great place to begin this compassionate journey—start by having a great desire to be the best you that you can be, to love and support yourself so that you can love and support others. 

The second attitude or perspective is that of a ferryman (or ferrywoman!), the person who ferries people from one side of the river to the other, which is another symbolism often used in Buddhism, that we are crossing from this shore of samsara to the other shore of nirvana in the boat of the Buddhist teachings.  As a Bodhisattva, we are helping steer the boat for all on board to ensure that we all get to the other side.  It symbolizes that we are on this path but in the company of others and being supportive of all others who are also seeking.  I would expand it out that it’s not just people on the Buddhist path, but all people who are trying to find a spiritual path or on some kind of path that they feel is going to create more good and ease more suffering.  

The third attitude or perspective is that of a shepherd which is iconic of someone who is primarily concerned with others from the beginning, setting aside any awakening of their own, even unconcerned with any awakening that does not include everyone.

We might see the Bodhisattva path as a progression instead of a destination.  Most likely we will not immediately let go of our sense of a separate, solid, permanent self, but we set our intention to do so, and we can use these three guideposts as a way to stretch our ability to let go of our myopic focus on personal preservation and begin to broaden our perspective to include others in our how we respond to whatever situation is arising. 

I found a great quote written by a Christian writer on the Bodhisattva quest.  They said,

“A bodhisattva is someone who lives the spirit of this vow, who cultivates the qualities that enable one to feel one’s body as something infinitely vaster. To take the Bodhisattva vow is to renounce one’s own limits. It is to feel that within us, there is something far vaster than our usual selves and that all others are really within us, really ARE us.”

This is truly the path of compassion and wisdom, slowly widening our sense of Self to include all people, letting go of the fixation on our own pains and problems, and beginning to see them as a path to liberating all beings which then just naturally includes the part of us that is part of the whole.   When we see the world as “us”, there is far less need to have conflict with our own “hand” or “limb”, the person that is a part of us that may not create a positive experience for us, but is a key to a greater awakening nonetheless.

The last important component is the critical need to cultivate patience (or perseverance as described in the Lojong teachings) – Don’t practice just when it seems easy.  We all do it--we want to sit down and meditate and we want it to be blissful every time, and when it isn’t, we don’t want to do it so much.  We want to live in a world where people are not acting violently and unkind.  In these difficult situations, we can have patience with the times when we don't feel like we want to help anyone but ourselves. Have patience when the world seem seems to be conspiring against you.  Have patience when you find anger and resentment arising within you.  Keep coming back to the teachings and the path and the promise.  Give yourself a break when you are not perfect.  Forgive and remember as Lama Surya Das says.  We screw up, others screw up, we learn, we forgive and we try again.   Persevering pays off.

These teachings exemplify what happens when we create a space between stimulus and response.  We have  patience to wait before responding in habitual ways, and have patience to get back on track when we fall back into our old ways from time to time.  We can cultivate the perseverance to keep trying.  

Explore how you might push your own boundaries of compassionate action this week, by trying out these three perspectives:  The ruler, the ferryman and the shepherd.  And see what compassion or wisdom or resistance arises!