Ego

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We are beginning our series of talk based on Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das

Ego is one of those terms that are sometimes confusing since Western psychology and Eastern philosophy use same the word in different ways.  From a Western psychology perspective, it is described as part of our personality, the ego includes the rules and standards for skillful behaviors.

Having a healthy ego usually describes thinking about oneself and others in a healthy way, like having appropriate psychological boundaries with others or having a balanced approach to life’s situations.  In fact, in Joseph Goldstein’s book, Insight Meditation, he goes so far as to say that having a healthy “ego” in this respect is very helpful to the practice of Buddhism.

From an Eastern philosophy perspective, the term “Ego” is used to describe something different.  Ego, in Sanskrit, Atman, is this sense of a separate, solid self, this overpowering need we have to hold on to something solid about ourselves, and the need to see ourselves as something completely separate from others. 

That which we call “I” or “me” is actually just a constantly shifting set of desires, thoughts, consciousness, feelings.  Imagine for a moment that this is true—this alleged thing called “You” is not a separate, solid being, but is ephemeral, ever-changing.  Try for a moment, to find it, who are you?  What are you?  Are you the body?  Are you the mind?  To most of us, that feels a little scary.  If I’m not a solid “me”, whoever or whatever I “think” I am, then who/what am I?  What can I hang on to?  How do I live in such groundlessness?

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche gives a excellent explanation of Ego in his book The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation.  He says that Ego is this need to secure our own happiness.  But this effort is ultimately futile, we might get a passing glimpse of happiness for ourselves, but it falls away because this world is constant changing.  We keep trying to get on solid ground and the ground keeps shifting.  We lose our job, we get sick, our dear ones get hurt or sick or die.   So, there really is no such thing as finding solid ground.  Trying to find happiness by ego gratification is like trying to satisfy a never-ending craving.  It becomes a constant struggle. 

Consider this possibility:   the reason we feel a need to hold on to something/ someone because we cannot stay in the present moment.  We are trying to be distracted by trying to satisfy these constant cravings.  We can’t stay in the present moment, so we try to solidify things and people by placing them in the context of our past or our future.   As we’ve discussed, when we meet someone for the first time, we usually see them through our filters of people we’ve known in the past and projections of how we might relate to this person in the future.  “I want this person to like me”, “I don’t like this person”, or even “I don’t care about this person”.  With this need for solid ground, we sometimes label everyone that we meet as someone to crave, or someone to push away, or someone to ignore. 

The three poisons (kleshas-Sanskrit) also translated as afflictive Emotions, are Ignorance, attachment (pride and jealousy—labeling and comparsion,competition) and aversion (it starts with saying we don’t like something, then we obsess about it into hatred, resentment and anger). These are mental states that cloud the mind and manifest in unskillful actions. Kleshas include anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, desire, depression, etc.

Our need for permanence causes us to then look outside ourselves for a feeling of self-worth, of value.  We filter any event or situation or person so it appears that we are exactly as we already think we are, how ever it is that we already think about ourselves.  I’m sure each of us can relate to an experience with another person where we have taken whatever this person did and reinforced what we already believed about ourselves—good or bad.    It’s like a hypochondriac going to see the doctor for a checkup.  The person has already convinced themselves that something is wrong and will take whatever the doctor says as reinforcement of that belief.  It always reminds me of almost every Woody Allen movie  The doctor says, “hmmm, I see…” and Woody Allen exclaims, “Yes!  I knew you would see it too!”  How often do we look for external validation of what we already believe to be true?

It is this filtering process that gets our experience so far away from the actual realities of what is happening in any given moment.  It is this process of labeling and filtering that causes a sense of a separate solid self.

It’s as if we are in a room with no light and for some of us, not even aware that having light is possible.  So, imagine that light is a possibility, that awakening, enlightenment is possible for everyone.  If we are able to experience, even for a moment, a little bit of light, a little bit of this present moment, we can begin to see the world and ourselves more clearly.  With each moment of light, of direct knowing, the world becomes far more brilliant, intense, complex, than we ever imagined possible. This is the process of dissolving the illusion of ego and waking up.

So, sometimes, we realize how the ego has fooled us, we go to battle with it.  But having an aversion to the ego is only the ego playing the same game.  Our mind may continue to try and use the same construct to continue its control over our lives.  The first step is to make friends with this crazy illusion called ego, to embrace our egos as the way we’ve coped with the world, and then slowly let go of its misperceptions.

So how do we do this?  As we meditate, we just gently focus on our breath, and when thoughts, feelings, desires arise, we simple note them and go back to focusing on our breath.  Whenever we’re doing anything, like walking or doing dishes, we simply focus on the activity itself.  Single tasking. This simple exercise can help us recognize our illusory thoughts and then start to dissolve them.  We begin to see that our thoughts aren’t as solid or as real or as permanent as we might have believed.  If we can notice a craving rising from within without acting upon it, we can start to see through the craving—that they rise and fall on their own.  It is a misconception that we need to satisfy a craving, it is a misconception that ONLY by satisfying them will they go away.  There is an excellent practice for this realization.  In any day, we have many cravings-for food, for sex, for love, for attention—whatever it might be.  We can practice being mindful of the craving—and perhaps wait a moment before acting on it.  Just sit with the craving for a few minutes.  Ask, “where is the craving coming from? Why is there a feeling of a need for this person the object this feeling?  What would happen if I didn’t satisfy this craving?”  The practice is to stay present with the cravings and see what thoughts and feelings arise.

Also with averson, we might still get angry or jealous or feel sad or want to shut down, but anger can be just anger, fear can be just fear, sadness can be just sadness  AND joy can be just joy.  Purely, intensely experienced with no need to take any pre-determined action. 

And we can start to pay attention to what we are ignoring.  What in the present moment is being left out?

Slowly, making friends with then letting go of craving, aversion and ignorance, we can begin to experience the sacredness in each moment, regardless of what is happening.  We can begin to not be afraid of the luminous emptiness that is ever-present.  Imagine allowing the groundlessness of each moment.  And it starts with a moment here and a moment there.  Just a moment of freedom.  Then, allowing those moments to happen more often.  Little by little. 

When we begin to let go of our need to be separate and solid, ironically, that’s when the seeds of great peace and compassion begin to bloom.

Start with imagining that staying fully present is a real possibility; we can learn to see more clearly

We can make a commitment to awakening; put it on the priority list, have it on your schedule, what do you have to lose?  Perhaps the pain and suffering that comes from attachment, aversion and ignorance!