Asking for Help and Looking for Good

As part of our series on Finding and Living Your Passion, this last Sunday I talked about asking for help.  When we think about finding and living our passion, it might seem like a solitary process.  I’m going to figure this out; I’m going to make this happen.   But in the Buddhist teachings, there’s a clear understanding that we’re inseparably interconnected to all beings, and that we can and should rely on the Sangha, this group of like-minded people, to support us in finding and living our passion.  Groups and like-minded friends can be very helpful--I’m sure we can all relate to how much easier it is to meditate in a group than it is when we’re at home alone by ourselves.

So, why wouldn’t we rely on others for finding and living our passion if it’s so dang helpful?  The simple answer may be, “Because sometimes people don’t seem so helpful.”  In fact, sometimes it might seem, “It would be a whole lot easier if everyone would just quit getting in my way!”  There can be a subtle or not-so-subtle idea that the people in our lives are obstacles to our happiness.

Asking for help is a critical element in living passionately, so our struggle in asking for help is worth examining.  First, I want to talk about good and evil.  Second, I want to talk about God and no God.

Are some people evil?

Many religions identify that there is good and evil in the world.  And this makes things nice and tidy, but it also keeps us from looking deeper, from trying to discover causes. Once something has been identified as evil, no more is there a need to explain it, only a need to fight it.

I recently read the story about Jaycee Dugard and her tormentors.  This husband and wife might be deemed “evil” by some, and certainly their actions were despicable.  But, labeling them as evil denies their humanity.  Amid the horror of the story, the man who abused her rationalized that her abuse was saving other young girls from being abused—twisted, demented logic, but perhaps a window into his humanity.  The wife of the tormentor, who could not have children of her own, made Jaycee pretend that she was the older sister, and pretending that the children were those of the wife.  When Jaycee wanted some closure and went to the prison where the man’s wife was being held, the woman actually asked Jaycee if the children missed her.  These acts are unconscionable and worthy of punishment, but thinking of the people involved as separate from us, as not human, does no service to providing peace in the world or in our own lives.

Sorting people into separate divisions such as good or evil and categories is very un-Buddhist. The Buddha's teaching of the Four Noble Truths tells us that suffering is rooted in the delusion of an isolated, separate self.

If only there were evil people somewhere, insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

—Alexander Solzhenitsyn

God as an external force

From Barbara O”Brien:  “Some religions teach that evil is a force outside ourselves that seduces us into sin. This force is sometimes thought to be generated by Satan or various demons. The faithful are encouraged to seek strength outside themselves to fight evil, by looking to God.

The Buddha's teaching could not be more different --

"By oneself, indeed, is evil done; by oneself is one defiled. By oneself is evil left undone; by oneself, indeed, is one purified. Purity and impurity depend on oneself. No one purifies another." (Dhammapada, chapter 12, verse 165)

Buddhism teaches us that evil is something we create, not something we are or some outside force that infects us.

In Buddhism there are evil actions, which we should seek to block, preventing harm from coming to anyone; but there is no absolute, unchangeable force of evil in the world.  By contrast, Buddhism focuses on the three unwholesome roots of evil, also known as the three poisons: craving, aversion, and ignorance. In place of the struggle between good and evil, Buddhism emphasizes ignorance and enlightenment. The basic problem is one of self-knowledge: do we really understand what motivates us?”

This second point is the difference between believing or trusting in an external God and believing and trusting in ourselves.  In the book, When Things Fall apart, Pema Chodron describes this desire to look outside ourselves as wishing for a babysitter, someone who is taking care of us, watching over us, punishing us when we do wrong, keeping us in line.     The simple word God is loaded with personal meanings and extrapolations, but to generalize, it is often understood as this external force that is acting like a babysitter to us.

There's proof that having confidence in one's own abilities to successfully respond to any situation provides greater happiness, and that is certainly part of the Buddhist teachings.  However, there is additional value in feeling the greater connection with all beings, including Bodhisattvas who are specifically described as having the purpose to help other beings become enlightened. There are many Mahayana and Vajrayana visualizations about the infinite deities that exist in timeless time and are here to "help" us.  So whether there is a God or no God in Buddhism starts to look a lot murkier than many would describe.

We each can look out our own definition and experience of the word God, to see if it seems more like a babysitter or like a principle of good.  And we can try out seeing "me" as greater than this individual body.  We can draw a broader line about who "I" am, in recognition of the inseparability of all beings.  We can see it as if we are all one being, using the analogy that if a hand might become sick, is still supported by the rest of the body.   There are many Buddhist teachings about the happiness that comes from acting for the greater good.

As the next step in your journey towards living passionately in each moment, try catching someone doing something good—something kind, considerate, supportive, loving.  Look for the good.  It’s amazing how much more you find when that is what you are seeking.