(For Podcast, Click here. For ITunes and on other weeks, click here)
To purchase Meditation for Non-Meditators: Learn to Meditate in Five Minutes, click here.
For Buddhism for Non-Buddhists, click here. (Thanks!)
We continue our series of talks based on the book by Pema Chodron, Comfortable With Uncertainty: 108 teachings
on Fearlessness and Compassion. Today, I’d like to talk about the Buddhist catchphrase of “letting go.” I’m sure many of you have heard in Buddhism
as well as other spiritual practices many times: We just need to let go of whatever our story
is, thoughts or emotions or situations we are struggling with. Just let go and be at peace. Ahhhhh, that it was that easy. For me, when someone knows I’m upset and
tells me to just “let it go”, another thought and emotion arises within me—one
that includes screaming back at them how they don’t understand what I’m going
through—and at times, I've redirected my struggle and anger to them. And yet in those exact moments of the
most intense desire to continue reacting in our habitual ways,
those moments are the BEST moments
to practice being present, even when we feel the most stuck—not to let go, but,
to be aware of being stuck. Then, as my
Buddhist teacher often says, we can learn to practice letting come and go. We
are like spiritual warriors who practice being in the moment with whatever
arises, and it may often feel like a battle to stay present when those intense
emotions come up. It is those moments
when the greatest transformation can occur.
How can we
learn to handle those moments when the old habits grab us by the throat and
won’t let go?
Thankfully,
Buddhist teachers before us have come up with some helpful tools for exactly
that situation. One particular practice
that comes in handy is called Tonglen in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. Tonglen means giving and receiving in Tibetan.
Pema Chodron describes Tonglen in this
way:
The
tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering —ours and that which
is all around us— everywhere we go. It is a method for overcoming the fear of
suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart. Primarily it is a
method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter
how cruel or cold we might seem
to be.
to be.
In one of
the simplest forms of Tonglen (there are more advanced version as well), we can
use our difficult emotions and situations to reach out to others who have experienced
the same thing. The practice has three-four
steps: First, in the absolute sense,
we can imagine expanding out to embrace all the love and compassion in the
entire universe. Just rest for a moment in this powerful ability we all
have: to go beyond our small mind and rest in the absolute love and compassion in
its entirety.
The second
step is to get more specific about what you’re experiencing: pain, depression, loneliness. Or perhaps you are caring for someone who is
suffering in some way. Whatever the emotion, we can remind ourselves, that somebody
else has felt this same feeling, other people have had these same thoughts,
these same struggles. Whatever the
emotion, you can take a moment to silently say “And others have suffered or are
suffering in this same way.” . Sometimes, when we are having the worst fear,
our mind tell us that nobody has EVER had such a problem as this one. It may
seem like the worst struggle anyone has ever had. The power of our imagination sometimes works
against us—not only are we fearful, but we’re fearful and completely isolated
from all other beings. In that moment,
we can remind ourselves that no matter how alone we feel, it’s not true. There are others who are sharing or who have
shared this pain and struggle. There are
others that can relate and support us in this struggle. Just rest in that truth. You are not alone, even in the darkest of
emotions. Others have felt it as well.
The third
step is an opportunity to actually help others. If we are all interconnected, then the work
we do to transform our own fears and angers and suffering, thereby can help
others with their fears and angers and suffering. The third step is to breathe in, reminding
yourself that others are suffering in the same way, and breathing out together
we can find peace. Breathing in the truth of suffering, and breathing out the
truth of relief from suffering through connection and compassion. Sometimes, it may at first seem scary to
bring in the suffering of the others when we are in so much pain. It might seem as “that’s too much! I’ve got
enough to deal with myself!” And just breathe into knowing that others have
experienced that fear and frustration as well.
Whatever we are experiencing, we
are not alone. Others have or are or
will experience that suffering as well. And
by waking up to that simple truth, we can start to feel inklings of compassion
rise within us. Tonglen is a practice to
rediscover the compassion that is there within each of us. Compassion is there, waiting to be tapped
into, even if it feels lost or covered up or even non-existent—it’s still there. In my life, I’ve come to realize that all
those times that I screwed up or felt at my worst, those times now seem to now be
the ones that prepared me best to have compassion for others, and most
importantly for myself. I can help
others by recognizing my own struggles and staying connected to all others who
have struggles as well. Through our
struggles and suffering, we can connect to ourselves and all others in a deep
profound way.
As Pema
Chodron described, the practice of Tonglen enables us to connect with the deep
compassion that has always been and will always be within us. We just have to breathe into the fear and
suffering. We can transform the pain into peace.
“Letting go”
begins by first “letting come”, by acknowledging what’s really going on with
us. Letting go starts by making friends
with whatever scary emotion or feeling we’re having, making friends with
whatever situation that we’re in, and remembering that others have felt it as
well. Thich Nhat Hanh talks about not
letting go of our anger or fear, not pushing it away, but using it to transform that feeling into something
useful, helpful. We can use whatever
is happening or has happened in our lives as a tool for transformation.
Ram Dass is
an incredible American spiritual teacher who had a terrible stroke several
years ago. His whole life had been based
on his intellect and ability to convey complex ideas. When he had the stroke, that which was most
precious to him was taken away. Instead
of shying away from the reality, he embraced it as a new vehicle for
enlightenment. Christopher Reeve
discovered the same power when he lost his ability to be Super Man. Each of other have faced or will face this
kind of suffering. And each of us can
transform whatever happens into great compassion and love for ourselves and
others. And the practice of Tonglen can
help.
Sometimes a
fourth step is added: to then radiate
compassion to all beings, for all suffering, for that being is.
“On the spot you can do tonglen for all the
people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but
instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward.
Rather than beating yourself up, use your own stuckness as a stepping stone to
understanding what people are up against all over the world. Breathe in for all
of us and breathe out for all of us. Use what seems like poison as medicine.
Use your personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings.”
-Pema
Chodron, “Tonglen”
