Living Beautifully – 6 – Embracing the world as is

(For Podcast, TBD.  For ITunes version, click here) 

We are continuing a series of talks on the book, Living Beautifully, with Uncertainty and Grace.  So far, we have talked about the very first vow taken in Buddhism, the Refuge Vow, when to practice these teachings by taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.  Then, a few weeks ago, I talked about the second commitment, The Bodhisattva Vow, where we vow to not worry about solely our own awakening, but to help all others become awakened as well.

Today, we come to the third commitment which can sometimes seem like stepping off into the abyss. We go one step further than the first two commitments, and step into a new way of seeing ourselves, seeing others and seeing the world and seeing whatever it is that arises.  The abyss is the groundlessness of not looking for the safe way out, not always choosing the easy option, the old way of coping.  It might at first feel like an abyss, but then we realize that this groundlessness can be our place of peace and calm, the uncertainty can become our reminder to stay curious and open. 

The Third Vow is called the Samaya Vow, which is described as accepting the world just where it is—it doesn’t mean we don’t take action, but it does mean that we respond from a place of being fully present in the moment.  Samaya is the Tibetan word for binding vow or sacred vow.  This vow builds upon the other two.  First, we practice mindfulness, and being present, taking refuge in the teachings, in our sangha, in ourselves.  Then, we can expand out to include all others in our practice, until we include it all, everything and everyone is part of our reality.  It’s interesting to me that I was watching a documentary on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that is being used with people who have severe phobias or who are suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Instead of doing the old-style therapy of getting at the cause of the suffering by reviewing one’s childhood, etc, this therapy is about facing the suffering head-on.  To not look away.  To see the suffering in and of itself. 

It struck me that this direct seeing is what the Samaya Vow is all about—it is a commitment to not look away from those things that scare us.   We practice getting comfortable with a racing heart and sweaty palms, and ruminating thoughts.  I’m not a therapist, so I am not advocating that you all go out and try CBT on yourself!  There is clearly a need for help and assistance to going through this formidable process. However, there are some day-to-day issues that arise in each of our lives that we can begin to stay present with, to not run away from, and perhaps, starting with smaller circumstances or fears is a great place to begin this deeper practice.

I find it interesting to note that the Buddha’s self-assessment about sitting with whatever arises—they wrote that he is what he committed to under the Bodhi Tree—sounds a lot like CBT and now another type of therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). In fact, the founder of DBT, Marsha Linehan, uses mindfulness as one of the core processes for helping her patients with a variety of debilitating mental illnesses.

This powerful process of staying present enables us to use whatever arises as a tool for awakening.  We may be annoyed at the sound of a loud motorcycle driving by, OR we can simply use that sound and vibration to wake us up, to see that whatever is happening in this moment is a catalyst for us walking through the doorway of enlightenment.  Pema Chodron’s teacher, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, saw:

·         each moment as a portal to the timeless time, the enlightened time,

·         when we can know what needs to be known, and

·         we can respond with skill and grace,

·         in ways that ease the most suffering and create the greatest good.

It’s important to emphasize that this commitment to be present is not to stand idly by while harm and hazard is done to others or to oneself.  But rather, it is standing tall in this moment, with the presence of a spiritual warrior to face squarely whatever arises, and practice responding from a place of interconnectedness and interdependence. 

This third commitment is not about the future.  It’s about being so fully present that you will hear and see and know what needs to be known, so that you can respond in the most skillful way, so that the future will take care of itself.  We practice not being so sure about our opinions, not so sure about our perception of ourselves or of the world.  We practice not believing everything we think! We practice having a sense of curiosity about whatever it is that arises.  Pema Chodron even emphasizes that we lean into it, like a scientist exploring the details of their experiment without a hypothesis, without a pre-formed conclusion….hmmmm….what is this?

And lastly, we make friends with whatever arises.  We see ourselves in all our glory and our not-so-glory, and practice a sense of caring and calm that embraces the reality of the moment, in order to response in the most skillful way. 

Zen master Dogen said, “To know the self is to forget the self.  To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.”

So, let’s just imagine that we can take this samaya vow and practice seeing all things and all people and all circumstances, all thoughts and all emotions and feelings as opportunities for enlightenment.  This is not to say that we must put ourselves in harm’s way to practice enlightenment.  What is being said is that we can use whatever arises as a tool for awakening.  We can practice little by little, opening up a bit more each day or each week or each month or each year—whatever pace seems right for you.  Little by little, a whole lot gets done!

Living Beautifully – 5 – what to do when we fail

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here) 

We are continuing a series of talks on Pema Chodron’s book, Living Beautifully, with Uncertainty and Grace.  So far, we have talked about the very first vow taken in Buddhism, the Refuge Vow, when we commit to walking this path as best we can, by taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.  A few weeks ago, I talked about the second commitment, The Bodhisattva Vow, where we vow to not worry about solely our own awakening, but hold back from full enlightenment until we help all others become awakened as well.  This is often taught as the second step of the Eightfold Path, which is right intention.  How we motivate ourselves in our thoughts, words and actions.

Sentient beings are numberless—I vow to liberate them.

Delusions are inexhaustible—I vow to transcend them.

Dharma Teachings are boundless—I vow to master them.

The Buddha’s enlightened way is unsurpassable—I vow to embody it.

We all want to know how to relieve our suffering as quickly as possible.  And yet, most of us have well-honed coping skills that cause us to rely upon protecting our own interests first, before trying to relieve anyone else’s suffering.  Or, perhaps we have the opposite problem, where we have lived a life trying to save everyone else, but not taken care of yourself from a mental, physical or spiritual perspective.  It’s easy to see how we can swing wide on each end of the spectrum—either “me first! Then everyone else” or  “you first!—don’t worry about me!”  Where do you fall on that spectrum of being a Bodhisattva?  Where is the sweet spot?  The place the creates the most good and relieves the most suffering?

In Chapter 8, Pema Chodron describes this spectrum of the Bodhisattva practice, the practice of incorporating everyone into our practice of loving-kindness and compassion.    She notes that it’s far more helpful to see these vows as a path, and to not beat ourselves up when we are not perfect Bodhisattvas, which will inevitably happen.   There is a very helpful book about this vow, which is entitled The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva. Written in the eight century, he teaches the three steps or The Three Attitudes towards enlightened living:

1.                  As a Steward King or Queen (as a ruler)

2.                  As a Ferryman (or woman!)

3.                  As a Shepherd

The ruler begins with themselves walking through the world with a sense of needing to be a good leader, of themselves first, then of everyone around them.  We may still think of ourselves and others as separate beings, but we begin to feel a deep sense of wanting others to be supported and cared for.  This is a great place to begin this compassionate journey—start by having a great desire to be the best you that you can be, to love and support yourself so that you can love and support others. 

The second attitude or perspective is that of a ferryman (or ferrywoman!), the person who ferries people from one side of the river to the other, which is another symbolism often used in Buddhism, that we are crossing from this shore of samsara to the other shore of nirvana in the boat of the Buddhist teachings.  As a Bodhisattva, we are helping steer the boat for all on board to ensure that we all get to the other side.  It symbolizes that we are on this path but in the company of others and being supportive of all others who are also seeking.  I would expand it out that it’s not just people on the Buddhist path, but all people who are trying to find a spiritual path or on some kind of path that they feel is going to create more good and ease more suffering.  

The third attitude or perspective is that of a shepherd which is iconic of someone who is primarily concerned with others from the beginning, setting aside any awakening of their own, even unconcerned with any awakening that does not include everyone.

We might see the Bodhisattva path as a progression instead of a destination.  Most likely we will not immediately let go of our sense of a separate, solid, permanent self, but we set our intention to do so, and we can use these three guideposts as a way to stretch our ability to let go of our myopic focus on personal preservation and begin to broaden our perspective to include others in our how we respond to whatever situation is arising. 

I found a great quote written by a Christian writer on the Bodhisattva quest.  They said,

“A bodhisattva is someone who lives the spirit of this vow, who cultivates the qualities that enable one to feel one’s body as something infinitely vaster. To take the Bodhisattva vow is to renounce one’s own limits. It is to feel that within us, there is something far vaster than our usual selves and that all others are really within us, really ARE us.”

This is truly the path of compassion and wisdom, slowly widening our sense of Self to include all people, letting go of the fixation on our own pains and problems, and beginning to see them as a path to liberating all beings which then just naturally includes the part of us that is part of the whole.   When we see the world as “us”, there is far less need to have conflict with our own “hand” or “limb”, the person that is a part of us that may not create a positive experience for us, but is a key to a greater awakening nonetheless.

The last important component is the critical need to cultivate patience (or perseverance as described in the Lojong teachings) – Don’t practice just when it seems easy.  We all do it--we want to sit down and meditate and we want it to be blissful every time, and when it isn’t, we don’t want to do it so much.  We want to live in a world where people are not acting violently and unkind.  In these difficult situations, we can have patience with the times when we don't feel like we want to help anyone but ourselves. Have patience when the world seem seems to be conspiring against you.  Have patience when you find anger and resentment arising within you.  Keep coming back to the teachings and the path and the promise.  Give yourself a break when you are not perfect.  Forgive and remember as Lama Surya Das says.  We screw up, others screw up, we learn, we forgive and we try again.   Persevering pays off.

These teachings exemplify what happens when we create a space between stimulus and response.  We have  patience to wait before responding in habitual ways, and have patience to get back on track when we fall back into our old ways from time to time.  We can cultivate the perseverance to keep trying.  

Explore how you might push your own boundaries of compassionate action this week, by trying out these three perspectives:  The ruler, the ferryman and the shepherd.  And see what compassion or wisdom or resistance arises!

Living Beautifully – 4 – The Bodhisattva Vow

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here) 

The Bodhisattva Vows are part of the teachings where we vow to not worry about solely our own awakening, but hold back from full enlightenment until we help all others become awakened as well.  This is often taught as the second step of the Eightfold Path, which is Right Intention.  How we motivate ourselves in our thoughts, words and actions. 

Sentient beings are numberless—I vow to liberate them.

Delusions are inexhaustible—I vow to transcend them.

Dharma Teachings are boundless—I vow to master them.

The Buddha’s enlightened way is unsurpassable—I vow to embody it.

The idea of wishing to help the entire world awaken.  That might seem a bit daunting!  On the internet, there is a clock that keeps track of approximately how many people there are in the world in any given hour.   So, as of about 6 pm last night, there were 7,120,332,037. Since the beginning of this year, there have been about 31 million more births than deaths, so we have a lot of people to consider. In 1900, there were 1.6 million people; in 1999 there were 6.1 million people.  "Currently, world population is growing at the most rapid pace in history," says Carl Haub, a demographer at the Population Reference Bureau.

That is a lot of people who might be suffering.  We have got our work cut out for us.  And this idea of compassion may seem all warm and soothing, but when we start to try and apply it in real life, it’s very threatening to our ego, to our protective coating that we want to defend and ensure does not get pierced.  We can long to awaken so that we not only help ourselves, but we also help others.

(From Wikipedia) In Buddhism, a Bodhisattva is an enlightened (bodhi) existence (sattva) or, "heroic-minded one (sattva), passionate for enlightenment (bodhi)." The Pali term has sometimes been translated as "wisdom-being," Traditionally, a bodhisattva is anyone who, motivated by great compassion, has generated bodhicitta, which is a spontaneous wish to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Bodhicitta is translated as awakened heart-mind, the intention to achieve Buddhahood (Trikaya)or awakening as fast as possible, so that one may benefit infinite beings. One who has bodhicitta as the primary motivation for all of his or her activities is called a bodhisattva. Bodhicitta also means the aim to, on the one hand, bring happiness to all sentient beings, and on the other, to relieve them of suffering; this definition is consistent with the definition of seeking enlightenment, as enlightenment is the freedom from samsāra.

The Bodhisattva Vow

Beginning students commonly ask how they can honestly vow to save all beings. It sounds like missionary arrogance. Hui-neng [the Sixth Zen Patriarch] offers a response: "You begin by saving them in your own mind." It is bodhichitta that you are cultivating—your own aspiration for wisdom and compassion, and your determination to practice it in the world as best you can."   -- Robert Aitken Roshi, "The Bodhisattva Vows"

This is not being evangelical about the Buddhist practice, but rather how you show up in the world, how you mold your thoughts into creating skillful actions.  Practicing bodhicitta means cultivating all one’s innate enlightened qualities and following the path of awakening.  Having an open heart-mind is teaching us how to be open and seeing the innate goodness in ourselves and all others.

If Buddhism is simply a practice to relief suffering, then by its very nature, we want to relieve not only our own suffering but the suffering of others, and not just the others who are people we like, but ALL others.  Whoa!  You mean I have to relieve the suffering of that man at work that is constantly giving me a hard time?  Can’t there possible be some exceptions to this practice—I mean really!

In Buddhism, no exceptions.  We work towards relieving our own suffering and the suffering of all others, even the ones that annoy us or don’t seem to deserve it, or who have hurt us in some way. 

It’s easy to be loving and kind to the people we like.  It’s these difficult ones when we really earn our Buddhist stripes.  Compassion is about going beyond our comfort zones, not about being a doormat and letting anyone and everyone walk all over us (that is called Idiot Compassion!), but rather a Wise Compassion that comes from being fully present in the moment and reflecting on what will create the greatest good and relieve the most suffering.

The Buddha never taught to anyone who did not ask for teaching.  From the very beginning, even his five friends that were ascetics with him, they had to beg him to teach them about this wonderful practice that he had discovered, because they saw the different that it had made in him.  So, he encouraged us to never go out and preach from the mountaintops these teachings.  Instead, he said if you embody the teachings, others will be naturally curious about what has caused this transformation in your life, then and only then, should you share with them this practice. 

Our thoughts are shaping and defining our actions and words.  Pema Chodron encourages us to imagine that everyone is our guest.  How would you feel about having anyone and everyone over to your house—to all kinds of people! That is a little daunting—but we start with the thought of treating everyone with kindness and compassion.  Everyone is not going to physically come over to our house, but they can be allowed in our heart—not to tear us up, but for us to open up to share love and compassion, whether they are deemed worthy of it or not.  Imagine  love and compassion without judgment.  This is the start of living in the flow of life, instead of skating around the edges, holding on to the rail.  This is how we get comfortable with uncertainty. 

Lama Surya Das says:

If it looks like wisdom, but is unkind rather than loving, then it is not wisdom.  If it feels like love, but it’s not wise, then it is not love.

There is a tender part of our heart that doesn't want to feel vulnerable.  Maybe you’ve been hurt before and the pain was so awful, that you’ve sworn off being that open to anyone ever again.  Now, I’m encouraging you to try, even just little, even if it’s just a small crack, to open up your innately good and kind heart.  You may still be hurt again, but it might be easier to stay standing with these practices of compassion and wisdom. 

So, we can begin in the simplest of ways.  Of beginning willing to see how we are all inseparably interconnected.  Something as simple as when you sit down to eat, or I guess if you’re standing up in your kitchen or even when you’re driving down the road with a hamburger in your hand, try being so deeply thankful each and every person that made that meal possible—the farmers, the trucker, the  grocery store clerk, the waiter or waitress, the bus boy or girl.  We can give thanks for all the people that are making our life easier.

Then, we can look for ways to reach out in earnest and help others who are having a difficult time.  Several of us go to feed the hungry or work the pantry in KCK on Saturdays.  Others are tutors at Banneker Elementary School—it is always a heartfelt experience.  Before the meal begins, each person who is helping goes around and says where they are from.  It’s kinda fun that among the Episcopalians and the Baptists and the Catholics, there we are representing the Temple Buddhist Center.  How can we go out in the community and be a loving presence and support to those who are suffering?

And it can be as simple as one of our visualizations, which is to simple silently wish for each and every person you meet, “may you be happy” and spend a moment or two radiating out love and compassion towards them.  Try it this week, and see what a difference this simple change can make. 

And if we break the commitment, if we respond harshly to others, it’s simple to mend.  We simply admit that we were unskillful, re-commit to being a Bodhisattva, and begin again.  It can happen on the spot, no need to wait to being anew.

I’ll end with a quote from Shantideva, who wrote The Way of the Bodhisattva:

And now as long as space endures,

As long as there are beings to be found,

May I continue likewise to remain

To drive away the sorry of the world.

Living Beautifully – 3 – Why stir things up?

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here) 

Today we continue our book series, based on Pema Chodron’s recently published book, entitled, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.  It’s one of her most pithy books!  There is also a great article in this month’s Tricycle magazine that includes some of the teachings from the book.

Most of you probably came here this morning for a little more peace and calm in your life.  But, I’m going to instead encourage you to stir things up a bit.  What?  Why not let sleeping dogs lie, as they say?   Aren't we trying to settle the dirt in the glass by stopping all the shaking up we normally do?  Anyone have the experience that when you first start to meditate, it becomes painfully clear how much thought is constantly arising?  If people don’t k now me, and I tell them that I teach meditation, many will shake their head in despair and say, “Oh, I tried meditating….I can’t do it….I think too much!”    I can relate to that experience!  I remember realizing that I have this very negative, naggy voice in my head, the voice that I realized was giving me a running critique of my choices in life.  A voice that was far more critical than I would ever be with another human being.  Meditation indeed often felt less peaceful at first instead of more!

Yes, we sit and just be aware, but sometimes that really is a little too painful or too difficult a place to start.  That is why we can also use some doing, like chanting and positive visualizations, to give us time to reflect, and to better understand what that voice is saying and why it is saying it, AND TO CHANGE WHAT THE VOICE SAYS.

Several years ago, I met a guy at the Temple, a man who was a ministerial student, who I immediately took a dislike to!  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was something about him that just didn’t sit right with me.  At first, I thought it was my intuition—“I’m on to you, buster!”  When others would comment how nice he was, it would irritate me even more!  It took me six months to finally figure out what it was—I suddenly realized that he looked almost exactly like my sister’s first husband—no wonder I disliked the guy!  I had to admit that I wasn’t seeing him for who he really was.  I had to be able to hear the voice in my head, then reflect on what was really going on inside me, in order to remove the veil of my past experience that was not serving me in this situation.

FORGIVE & REMEMBER:  In addition to simply sitting in the silence with awareness, we take on these additional practices to identify then take the charge out of old memories and unskillful habits.  As Lama Surya Das says, to "forgive and remember" What does that mean?  I think there is this balance to be found between wallowing in our "story" about how we been done wrong and simple brushing it under the rug and pretending that nothing ever hurt us.  Not too loose and not too tight is the Buddhist middle way.  We practice finding the balance between these two extremes of clinging to and aversion from, to find a place where we can forgive and remember.  What did I learn?  What will I do differently in the future?  Then, we can practice letting go and moving on...even if it takes a few days or weeks, or months or years to more fully be able to let certain memories arise and simply fall away without the unskillful response and resistance that so often entangles us.

As a mother, I had many times when I did not do my best.  I had to examine those times when I was unskillful and selfish.  When I began to meditate and wake up a bit, I wanted to make amends for my unskillfulness, particularly with my daughter.  I wanted to give her the best that life had to offer--as I saw it.  One decision I made was to send her to an all-girls Catholic high school, after she had gone to public school up to that point in her schooling.  The Catholic high school had an outstanding curriculum, and I knew my daughter would benefit since she didn’t really like school.  Now, looking back, I understand that girls in Catholic schools have all grown up with each other, have gone to church with each other, and all know each other’s families…often are each other’s families…and here I was a Buddhist raising my daughter in this very progressive “church” called Unity.  Needless to say, my daughter was mortified at my decision to send her there, and fought me mightily for two years, confident that she would change my mind and get to go back to public school with her friends.

But, I held my ground, thinking it was the right thing to do.  After a couple of years, she settled in and tried to make new friends, which turned out to be a lot more difficult than she expected.  Never asked to parties, never included in weekend events—she had a tough go of it.  One Saturday afternoon, the girls finally invited her to go to the mall and offered to come pick her up.  She was delighted and excited!  She ran upstairs and primped for an hour getting her hair and clothes “just right”.   She came down into the kitchen so that she would be ready early for when they arrived.  A few minutes went by, then an hour, then…they never came.  She was deeply hurt and cried all night long.  As a mother, I was devastated—I was the one who had put her in this situation that caused my daughter this horrific pain.  It was such a painful memory for me that I couldn’t bear to mention it for many years afterward.

Years later, as my daughter blossomed into this fine young confident woman, we were talking about how she had so many great friends and how proud I was of who she had become.  I brought up that terrible day, so I could apologize for having put her through that.  She said that she had always considered it the best thing that could have happened to her.  “What????” I asked.   She said, “That day, I made a commitment to myself, that I would never be the one who made anyone else feel like that.”  Here is an example of the value in stirring things up, reflecting on what happens to us in life, and deciding for ourselves how to respond to each and every situation.  What did we learn?  What will we do differently in the future?

We can practice how to bring out the best in ourselves and in others.  We can rewire our brains to more naturally respond in loving, kind and compassion ways. One of these powerful practices are positive visualizations on the Four Boundless Qualities of Loving-kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity. It is said that if we practice these boundless qualities, it is possible to find Nirvanic peace amidst the Samsara of life. The Buddhist teachings encourage us to penetrate each moment of consciousness with the purifying flames of Awareness.