How do you want to experience life?

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here) 

This morning, I’d like to talk about the Buddhist catchphrase of “letting go.”  I’m sure many of you have heard in Buddhism as well as other spiritual practices many times:  We just need to let go of our negative thoughts, let go of our anger, let go of clinging and ignorance.  Just let go and be peaceful.  Ahhhhh, that it was that easy.   Have you ever been really worked up about something and someone offers that advice, “oh, just let it go.”  Anyone ever want to, at that exact moment, strangle the person giving you this advice?   I’m hoping that I’m not the only one who has had those moments where I feel such a strong desire for something, or such anger and frustration over something or someone, that just trying to “let go” seems impossible.  I’m holding on with all my energy. In those exact moments, just telling myself to “let go” simply doesn’t work very well. Initially, I still feel angry, I still feel in pain. And often, there is another voice inside of me that feels like shouting, “heck no!  I’m not letting go!  This is the way I feel, and I’m right to feel this way! Everyone needs to understand ME and that I deserve to feel this way!”  And yet in those exact moments, the ones of the most intense desire to continue reacting in our old ways, those moments are the BEST moments to practice two things.  First, to be more fully present with what is happening so we are gain clarity about what is actually going on.  And Second, to make a clear decision about how we want to experience life.  

The entire practice of Buddhism is about recognizing our thoughts and feelings, and then transforming our experience through love, compassion, joy and equanimity.  And sometimes, the Buddhist teachings are skewed towards just the practice of being fully present.  That is our practice of mindfulness and meditation.  We see things more clearly because we are able to sort out what is really pushing our buttons.  But, this morning, I want to focus on the second practice, the one of using the incredible amount of energy that each of us has within us, and focusing it with laser-like precision on creating the experience we want.  How do you want to experience life?

I know, for me, that this question was not one that I was asked in school or taught in church.  I received a lot of advice about what to do with what shows up in life:  let it go, see it from a higher perspective, turn the other cheek.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  But, I hope I can convey the power of asking yourself this very personal, very important question…how do you want to experience life?  What is it that you want to feel?

Experiences are caused by two catalysts:  How we allow the outside world to impact us and how our internal bio-chemical processes are creating a thought or a feeling within us.  We may feel like what we want is a new car or a new relationship, but what we really want is the feeling that those things will give us, the experience of them…we want to feel happy or loved or safe or whatever that specific experience is that you yourself are searching for. 

And the second catalyst, our internal bio-chemical processes, drive our thoughts and feelings from high to low, often without any external stimulus.  We sometimes assume that we’re really irritated because of what is happening outside of us, when really it’s just the arising and falling away of a hormonal experience—and this ain’t just girls having these hormone things!  Guys, if you have every lusted after someone that you know is NOT a good idea, there might have been some testosterone going on there.  I’m just sayin’….

So, when we realize that we are allowing both external circumstances and internal processes to create our experience of the world, we now have the secret weapon, the power tool, the greatest insight that life can produce.  You can choose how you respond to life.  Which in turn, means that you can choose how you ultimately feel.  Now, you can see how important it is that you decide how you WANT to experience life!

I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. It was devastating news, and I’m sure, and one that carries with it much fear and anxiety.  But I was so proud of the way she pro-actively decided to go through the process. She said that she decided early on that she wanted the experience to be transformational and wanted it to be an opportunity for her to cherish her friendships and her family.  Whenever things got tough, whenever the pain and the treatments were excruciating, she said that she would ask herself the question, “How do I want to experience this situation?”   She’s my role model on how we can experience the best and worst of life in a pro-active, positive way.

I just spent three weeks traveling overseas with my 29-year old daughter.  I love her dearly.  We are very close. And after three weeks, even the person you love with all your heart can drive you crazy.  We spent a week in her apartment in Mumbai, which is about the size of a shoe box.  It was well designed but clearly made for one person (from an American perspective!).  We had a lot of opportunities to create havoc for each other.

She and I have travelled all over the world together, in very primitive situations, and it has been a process to learn how to be with each other in extremely tense and difficult situations.    Even though she practices Buddhism as well, we can still get on each other’s nerves.  But, with Buddhism, we have a common language to speak with each other about what is happening, and to find a way to respond in a more positive way. 

What I found these last three weeks, is that the Buddhist practices really do work.  Not immediately, but slowly over time.  Both of us have done a lot of reflection and meditation on how we want to experience life and how we want to show up for each other. 

I’m going to quote a very odd source for a very Buddhist perspective.  Donny Osmond.  Remember Donny Osmond, the Mormon pop singer of the famous Donny and Marie show in the seventies.  Okay, if you under forty, this may mean nothing to you…but!  Donny had eight kids, and when they were interviewed about what it was like to be Donny Osmond’s child, they said the best part was their dad’s attitude to life.  Whenever a difficult situation arose, when some work needed to be done that wasn’t pleasant or the kids really didn’t want to do it, he would always ask the question to them, “How can we make this fun?”

When I see the Dalai Lama, he is so often laughing--laughing in spite of a very difficult situation for his people.  The Dalai Lama is deciding how he wants to experience life.  It doesn’t mean that he is diminishing the difficult facts.  It doesn’t mean that he is ignoring reality.  It doesn’t mean that he’s not working hard to transform the situation.  But it does mean that along the way, he has decided that happiness is a choice. 

And it turns out that deciding to be happy has an incredible benefit.  By focusing our energy on happiness, we create more energy to work with.  We create more energy to change the world for the better.  Life doesn’t have to seem so difficult. 

There are so many examples of people transforming their experience in difficult situations:  Ram Dass, after his stroke, Christopher Reeves, after his paralysis.  You have the power to decide how you want to experience life and put your energy there.   I predict that you’ll make better decisions and have more energy by choosing your experience.

Visualization practices, like Loving-kindness, is a great way to see more clearly how we are currently experiencing life and to explore how we might want to transform our thinking. As the Buddha is quoted, “What you think becomes what you live.”

Being Peace - 5 – Changing the World by Changing You

(For Podcast, click here.  For ITunes version, click here.) 

Today we continue our book series on Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh.  In the chapter entitled, “the Order of Interbeing”, TNH describes in more detail what he thinks engaged Buddhism might look like for our contemporary times.  Whenever Buddhism moves to a new time and new culture, it is transformed by the people and their perspectives.  The foundational practices and principles don’t change, but the flavor changes, like putting different spices in the same cake recipe.  TNH challenges us to investigate, to explore, to be a part of this exciting time when Buddhism becomes integrated into Western culture.

What I’m excited today is much more specific.  How can we all help create an American Buddhism that supports and encourage this time and this society?  TNH is an amazing man, and he has an amazing organization, and has been willing to try many different things to mold Buddhism for Westerners.  I think that is fantastic.  AND, we are Westerners; we are Americans.  Each of you has a tremendously opportunity to be part of the molding and shaping Buddhism to fit in the modern American world.  AND even more exciting and most importantly, each of you has an opportunity to help determine how Buddhist practices and principles will transform our experiences, transform our culture and transform the experience of future generations, to raise the level of awareness to a more loving, more compassionate, more wise planet.

AND, it all starts with us, right here, right now.  We don’t have to wait until somebody tells us how to do it.  We have already begun by coming together each week as part of this grand experiment.  You being here right now, you are helping create this great leap ahead.   It doesn’t start at the global level, it doesn’t even start at the country level, it doesn’t even start at the city level.  It starts with what is happening within you, right now in this moment.  What you are learning and practicing and exploring changes the way you experience yourself and others, and the impact of that is transforming your immediate surroundings.  Buddha was adamant that these practices and principles were not to be proselytized without request, that only those who come in search of the teachings can find them.  It’s not about coercing or frightening people into becoming Buddhist.  It’s about what are you doing to transform the way you show up for yourself in your life, as well as how you show up for each and every person that you come in contact with.

The Buddha's message was radical because it was a message of equality and inclusion, of putting loving-kindness, compassion and cooperation first, and acknowledging the importance of personal responsibility for spiritual transformation.  This was very radical stuff in the fifth century BCE when the Indian caste system was being formed, and women were still considered no more than chattel.  Buddha did as Jesus did.  He taught to whoever wanted to listen to the message.  Your actions are the greatest teacher.  It is like the Fifth and final Truth Principle in Unity—it is not enough to just say new words, but to truly be transformed, we must change the way we interact with ourselves and with the world every single day.

Both the Buddha and Jesus had this radical idea that we can change the way we think, which can change the way we speak and act, which ultimately can transform the world.  They also both had this other radical idea--that all beings are inseparably interconnected to each other.  TNH uses this term “Interbeing” which he defines as “mutual being”.  We humans have a tendency to create separation between ourselves and others.  You might even be thinking in this moment, “thank goodness I’m here with others who practice Buddhism; whoa, I’d hate to be with all those other folks who aren’t Buddhists!...”  We must always be vigilant about creating any sense of “them versus us”.  This is NOT about who believes the same or different than us, but rather how we ourselves make a difference by our thoughts, words and actions.  There is no them versus us!  Even if we don’t like what the other person or persons are saying or doing, we are still inseparably interconnected to them.  We can work with this fact instead of against it.

So, how do we change the way we think, the way we speak and the way we act to transform our experience of the world, and as always, most importantly, to relieve suffering?  There are three key tools for transformation:  Mindfulness, Meditation, and Visualization.                                                

Let’s start with Mindfulness—it’s become a cultural catchphrase that may have lost some of each original meaning.  In fact, Pema Chodron encourages us to think of it as compassionate awareness, not some dictate to be followed but an opening of our heart and minds to the truth to be found in each moment.  With mindfulness, we are practicing showing up in each moment in life as fully and completely as we can.  In one of the original Buddhist writings, the Satipatthana Sutta, mindfulness is clearly described as The Three Awarenesses.   First, being aware of what is happening internally—your thoughts, your emotions, your sensations.  So often we are lost in thoughts or emotions or temporary sensations, that we are NOT fully present to what is happening.  The practice of mindfulness helps us create mental muscle memory to experience exactly what is happening inside us.  Second, we can be aware of what is happening outside of ourselves.  What is happening in the situation and with others around us?  We can practice observing directly their words and actions, beyond our own projections.  Third, we can practice being aware of all things, both internally and externally, to form a wholistic awareness of each moment.  I often say that one of the objectives of mindfulness is to help us create a gap between stimulus and response, and if we were to practice these three awarenesses, that takes some time.  Slowing down your responses gives you an opportunity to respond in a more appropriate and skillful way.

Meditation, as we have been practicing this morning, is like mindfulness with training wheels.  We are creating a simpler environment so that we can raise our awareness of what is happening in each moment.  Sitting in a calm environment helps us become more mindful. Some might believe that you have to have a daily meditation practice before anything starts to change, but what I have seen, while that is certainly a great thing to do, it often starts with little mindful moments that are grabbed throughout the day.  Meditate for a moment at a stop light, or being mindful as you brush your teeth.  Then, we can work our way into a daily meditation practice of sitting still, and first concentrating on our breath, then simply sitting in natural awareness.  Richard Hanson, who wrote The Buddha’s Brain encourages us to begin each morning in meditation before we get out of bed, by leaning our mind in a positive direction.

Leaning our mind in a positive direction.  That is the purpose of the third common Buddhist practice of Visualization.  They are finding in sports coaching that visualizing the athletic activity before it happens, without moving a muscle, creates an increased likelihood of success when the whole body becomes involved.  So too, in Buddhism, we are encouraged to practice creating an experience of loving-kindness and compassion, of sympathetic joy and equanimity.  As part of our meditation, we can include a visualization of these positive qualities.  In Buddhism, they are called boundless qualities because of their ability to expand our experience of ourselves and others beyond the struggles and suffering that often happens day-to-day, moment-by-moment. 

So, this week, feel free to change the world by practicing changing your own thoughts, your words and your actions.  Each of us can make a powerful difference--just take it one moment at a time.